A Sense of Spirit · remembering · spirituality · unbreakable bonds

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

1985

“Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I’ll say good night until tonight becomes tomorrow.” ~ Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

The house appeared to us late one afternoon in August. To this day, I believe we did not find the house, the house already knew us, and was waiting for us to locate it. We were destined to live here.

It wasn’t until the next day that we entered the property, climbed the two stairs up onto the front veranda, walked through the front door and felt the welcoming embrace of the essence of the building. We were home.

This house was not simply bricks and mortar, this house was our home, and our home had a soul, and the soul of the home protected us, nurtured us and guided us along the path that our lives would take throughout the next nine years.

When I look back on those years, I lived in abundant happiness, every day.  Perhaps they were the happiest years of my life. In many ways I believe they were, even through the occasional time of sadness, yet with hindsight, as I reflect on those sad times, they were really only sad moments, times when there was a lesson to be learned and some growing to be done.

Everything happens for a reason, even the sadness we experience in our lives. And all of the sadness I felt whilst living in this home was preceded by extreme happiness.

I learned how to grow up during my years of living here. There were lessons to learn. Friendships were formed, and lost. Pets shared our home with us, and some were lost to us. Devastating news was received. A monetary fortune was earned. And throughout every event which took place during those nine years there remained an overwhelming sense of joy, and gratitude, love and happiness.

There were always friends at the house, parties and children.
There were always friends at the house, parties and children.

My two eldest children were born whilst we lived here. Our home held many parties and with every new visitor to our home, there became one constant theme, that our home felt inviting and welcoming. Our home loved and needed our presence, just as it welcomed the arrival of our friends, family and our children.

Shiny, happy people....
Shiny, happy people….

When the year of 1992 began, everything changed. A subtle shift could be felt, a shift which I initially rejected. I felt afraid.

The most devastating news imaginable reached me from afar. That very same week, I discovered that my third child was on her way. There were changes taking place also with the means to our fortune, the income would soon dwindle. Work situations were changing…..

Change was in the air, in every aspect of our lives…..

Our beloved home knew that the time had arrived for us to prepare to leave.

I have one extremely vivid memory of this time of change, of a day when I was at home, alone. Of a day when I felt the walls of my home gently speaking to me, telling me to let go. I wanted to hug my home and never let go, yet all I could manage to do was lean against the wall, and cry and cry. I realised that I must heed the signs, and stop fighting. I had to listen, I had to let go.

Our 15 year old German Shepherd didn't make the trip with us. We moved just over three months after this photo was taken.
Our 15 year old German Shepherd didn’t make the trip with us. We moved just over three months after this photo was taken.

That was the day I faced reality. I cried my heart out for my impending losses. My fear of losing a loved one, which would ultimately take me away from my home. The loss of all of the wonderful friends I had made whilst living here. The loss of this suburb, this city where my home was located. The loss of my beloved home.

Over twenty years have passed by since I left that home, yet my eyes are welling with tears as I recall leaving there, although even then, I knew it had to be.

A force far greater than anything I had ever experienced in my life, and far greater than anything I have since felt, had come into play. I had no control. I knew that I had to leave.

Methodically, I packed up my home. Progressively, the life I had been living for the previous fifteen years in this city of magic was neatly packed away into what seemed to be hundreds of boxes. Where had all of these possessions come from? I had arrived in this city, in 1977, owning just a few possessions. They had fit into the boot of a car.

For one whole day, late in the month of September, I watched as the removal truck became packed to the rafters with my life. My belongings, my memories….

I stood at the front door of my home as evening approached, watching the removal tuck back out of my driveway and headed away along the street; watching as my life drove away, fifteen years all neatly sorted and packed away in taped up boxes, knowing it would never be the same again, knowing that I would be leaving also within just a few short hours, seven months pregnant, knowing that tomorrow night I would be a thousand kilometres away from here. I would never live in this home again.

And I cried like I have never cried before, or since. My heart broke that day.

Yet for all of the pain I felt when I knew I must leave my home, I wouldn’t change a thing. I couldn’t change a thing. The good far outweighed the bad, the positive outweighed the negative. To live nine years of contentment and love was definitely worth the sadness of leaving.

Can a building possess you for a period of your life? And when the time has arrived for this building to push you out of the nest, sending you out into the big wide world, never to return to its warm folds again, can it really do this?

And can a geographical location, a city, and the surrounding area hold possession over your heart?

I know it can. For nine years I had been carried along on the tide of my life, a life which was overseen by the home in which I lived. They were happy years, precious years, years that I will always remember vividly and treasure forever.

The time had come to move on, yet after twenty years of being away, this city in which I once lived still holds a piece of my heart. It always will.

“The long and winding road that leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before. It always leads me here
Leads me to your door. “ ~ Lennon /McCartney.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Sense of Spirit · concepts · making contact · remembering · spirituality · unbreakable bonds

The Souls We Remain With, Throughout Time.

“Do we continue to share our time with the same souls, being reborn, year after year, time after time, within the same families, as brand new people; people who know one another; people who remain with you throughout time?”

On a Saturday night a few months ago, my son, child number four, and I sat in front of the television and watched a show about the ‘supernatural’. I forget the name of the show as I am not a huge fan of such shows, finding they are sensationalised by the producers, no doubt to draw viewers in with the unbelievable topics portrayed.

This particular show, however, did not slot into this category. The show may have been called “Celebrity Ghost Stories”, or some such name, as those chosen for the show, in which they shared their amazing but true stories, were celebrities.

One of the stories had my son gripping his seat, whilst declaring that he hated watching these types of shows, because they were too scary and would give him nightmares. But he didn’t leave the room, being so transfixed by the story being told.

As the story unfolded, the female celebrity told of an incident which happened many years ago in her home, when two little girls had appeared out of nowhere, and began to laugh and skip around one of the rooms in her home, laughing and playing together. Yet she didn’t know who these two girls were, she had never met them.

One night some time later, again, she heard children laughing and singing outside of her window at her home. She looked outside and saw the same two girls, playing together and having a lovely time as they chatted and laughed in their carefree way.

Fast forward to some years later, when the woman was married and had two daughters of her own, and she remembered the incidents from years ago, as she watched her two real daughters, playing together and laughing. She recognised the two girls she had seen before, many years earlier, as being her own two daughters!

My son heaved a sigh of relief. This woman hadn’t claimed to have been possessed by the spirits of two evil spirits, or any other such other gruesome ending to her story. My son declared that he had enjoyed her story, said goodnight, and off he went to his room.

What my son didn’t know was that I too had been mesmerised by the story, but for another, more personal reason.

In my early twenties I had longed to have a child, but my husband had other ideas, claiming we should wait until the “time was right”. In our home in Sydney, we had two spare bedrooms, the one at the back of the house being painted in light blue, and the room I had intended being the babies nursery, when my stubborn husband finally decided that it was the right time to start a family.

At first, I brushed off the faint smell of babies powder I could smell each time I went into the room, but as time progressed, it was there constantly, when I stood beside the window, looking out into the garden.

Within a few weeks, the laughter started.

I could hear the most beautiful babies laugh I had ever heard in my life. And I knew it was the laughter of a boy. He came to me a few times, and even though I didn’t actually see him, I heard him, and knew him. And he would talk to me at the most unexpected times.

Late one night, as I drove home alone, after a visit with a friend, the child told me that everything would be okay, that I shouldn’t worry about anything! His laughter and child’s voice rang in my ears, as clearly as if he sat right there beside me in the seat in my car, speaking to me.

The months passed by and he didn’t speak to me again, but I knew he was there, constantly.

It came as no surprise to me when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I didn’t think about the child’s laughter and voice during my pregnancy, but I knew my child was a boy. And, I knew him; we had been together before.

Right throughout the months of my pregnancy, to me, my son was Sam, although I knew my husband wouldn’t agree to the name, as it had been the name given to my father, grandfather and great-uncle. My husband didn’t want our family tree to appear “boring” with the same names repeated generation after generation.

When I saw my son for the first time, his soul was so familiar to me. There was no doubt in my mind that we knew each other, and now I could see him, touch him and knew what he looked like. Those seeing my new baby for the first time would often comment that he had an “old soul”.

His nappy change table sat right under the window in his blue room, right in the spot where I had smelled his baby powder, and as he grew, and I heard his laughter, I heard the exact same laughter of the child who had visited me, long before my son was born!

My eldest son is, and always has been, my rock; he makes everything alright for me. As a toddler, when we would park the car in a large shopping centre, I would worry that I might forget where I had parked the car, and my son would tell me not to worry, it would be alright, he would remember where the car was.

And so it has continued throughout his life. He makes everything alright for me. He tells me not to worry; he takes care of things, just as he did before his birth.

My next two children were daughters, and I could always rely on my son to watch out for his sisters, with his attitude of don’t worry, and casually, quietly and efficiently taking care of minor details that the two girls would overlook.

The day my son’s baby brother was born, when he was twelve years old, I was positively bursting to tell my boy that he had a baby brother. When I told him, as he stood beside my bed in the birthing room in the hospital, he told me he wouldn’t have minded being the only boy, he would love the new baby just as much as he loved his two sisters, regardless.

My new baby grew and his big brother played with him and cared for him constantly, just as he had played with and cared for his sisters.

And as time progressed, he nick-named his little brother George.

The name caught on, and for quite some time George was the alternate name used for my youngest child, and everyone knew who we were referring to. George suited him.

A few years ago, as I traced my family history and began to discover the names of my ancestors, I learned that my grandfather, Sam, had been a twin. The name of his twin brother, who had passed away at only one year old, was George.

Sam and George; the alternate names for my two sons. 🙂

A Sense of Spirit · birthdays · remembering · sisters · unbreakable bonds

A Bond that Lasts for Eternity

The many faces of Anne, the child

Speaking from my own point of view, (as I can have no other!) to have a sister is to feel an indescribable bond with another person, which I can liken to no other relationship I have ever had throughout my life.

My parents kindly provided three sisters for me, before I was even born. There is an age difference between us of a number of years, though, and my sisters often doubled as “mothers” to me. A double blessing!

All three of my sisters were born in England, during and just after the Second World War. My Mum told me a story once of a day when Gypsy’s came to her door, selling clothes pegs. She didn’t recall whether or not she had purchased any pegs; what she remembered vividly was the predictions one of them made for her life.

The Gypsy told my Mum that she would travel across water to live in another country, far from England, where she would give birth to a fourth daughter.

At the time, Mum laughed in disbelief at the Gypsy, although a few years later they all emigrated to Australia and some years after that, I was born.

So, there you have it. Gypsy’s can be very accurate with their predictions!

It doesn’t matter how much time may pass during which my sisters and I have no contact. Sometimes life just gets in the way and we can go months without speaking, but when we do speak, we carry on as if we only had a conversation yesterday; such is our bond.

My eldest sister was named Annette and I could best describe her as my sometimes sister, sometimes mother and always a friend.

The last time I saw Anne, just over four years ago, I knew it would be the last. Anne was extremely ill. When we said our goodbye’s, I wanted to hold her forever and never let her go. When she finally left, I cried so much and so hard that I thought I may stop breathing.

How do you say goodbye to your sister? I found out the hard way, that day.

Since she’s been gone I’ve looked for signs that Anne is about, wishing she would contact me in any way she could find to get through to me. I’ve asked my youngest sister (she’s only twelve years older than me!) if she has heard from her, but neither of us had.

Until Christmas Day, 2010, and I wasn’t even thinking about Anne at the time.

For Christmas my sister had sent me a book, “An Angel by my Side”, by Jacky Newcomb. The book was sealed up in a cellophane wrapper and I hadn’t had a chance to open the pages at all.

I decided to watch a DVD on Christmas night, but for no apparent reason the DVD player wouldn’t work. My husband thought he could easily fix the player, yet it took some time to repair.

I began to wonder if there was something else that I was meant to be doing, as I waited impatiently for the DVD player to work. I noticed the book my sister had sent me, broke off the cellophane wrapper and flicked through the pages.

Nothing in particular caught my eye, so I had a look through the contents, to get a “feel” for the book. And there it was, Chapter 12, “Love from Anne”!

Almost immediately, the DVD player started working.

The next day, I could hardly wait to phone my sister who had sent me the book.

“Did you see what one of the chapters was called?” I blurted out.

You see, Anne always signed letters and cards at the end with “Love from Anne”, which my sister also knew.

We both believe that it was Anne’s way of wishing us both a Happy Christmas. A book sent from one sister to another, with that chapter name. Our Christmas Day was complete.

Today, if Anne was still here with us, in the flesh, she would be celebrating her 70th Birthday and I would send her a birthday card, saying “Love from Joanne”.

But wherever she is, Anne knows that. 🙂

A Sense of Spirit · remembering · respect

Intuition ~ Taking Our Own Advice

Children - Innocent and Intuitive

We all have that little voice inside our heads, urging us to take the path in our lives which “feels right”.

But do we always listen? And if we do listen to our inner voice, do we always, if ever, follow that voice’s advice?

During the years of my childhood I always took my own advice. But as the years progressed I learned to listen to the advice of “others”. You know who the “others” are, they are the adults of the world, people with experience, those who have been around longer than you have, so know what’s “best” for you.

Do they really know what’s best? Or are they simply passing on to the children of the world the advice which they were given as youngsters and they were expected to follow, so they expect you to follow also?

Do they feel it is it their time to receive the respect that they were expected to show to their elders?

Perhaps so, and I’m all for showing respect.

But don’t you think that children are just as entitled to respect as the adults are?

I believe they are.

And just because a child is “young” does not mean that they don’t know what’s going on, or what is right for them. Children have intuition too. In fact, I would go so far as to say that in most cases, a child’s intuition is far superior to an adult’s intuition!

As a child myself, I spent a lot of time “remembering”. I remembered my grandmother, who had died some twenty-five years before my birth, and I remember missing her and longing to see her again.

I remember believing that anything was possible. I could do anything I wanted to do, have anything I wanted to have. All I had to do was go after it!

Those were the days before adult logic told me everything that I couldn’t do. The days when I was asked how I could miss my grandmother, when we had never even met.

The days when my young mind began to be clouded over by “worldly logic”.

But back then, I knew otherwise.

Over time, the adults achieved their goal of making me “sensible”. Teachers in particular and other kids at school would be the first to ridicule anyone with an alternative opinion, back in those days.

As time advanced further, however, my old, familiar friend, “Intuition”, again took a hold of me, guiding me through the greatest moments of my life!

Are you following your own intuition? Or does harsh, cold reality guide your life?

Everyone should do the right thing for their own lives. Just make sure it really is the right thing for you, whatever the situation.