Tag: encouragement

advice · challenges · Changes

Too Far Out of Your Comfort Zone

Joanne3 Comments

“Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” ~ Reinhold Niebuhr

With all of the advocates around these days for “leaving your comfort zone, to get ahead in life”, I almost feel the need to issue a warning before I say another word…almost. Due to my own opinion, of “everyone has the freedom to choose to do whatever they wish with their lives”, it nullifies the need for any warning.

How long ago was it that all of this talk about “you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone” begin? It seems to me that I’ve been listening to the wise and wonderful lecturing us on their opinion for more years than I care to remember.

Believe me; I’ve tried getting out of my comfort zone, against my better judgement. I have buckled at the knees, due to a combination of peer pressure along with the miss-guided belief that another person, or persons, know better than I do regarding what is right for my life.

This poses a dilemma ~ do you stubbornly remain totally within the parameters of your comfort zone, at the expense of not making any progress in your life?

Here’s an example, based on my own experience ~ someone I met years ago, whom I believed possessed a huge dose of credibility, convinced me that it would be in my best interests to allow a complete stranger to babysit my children every Saturday, and sometimes both days of the weekend, whilst I pursued a career in marketing. This position also involved public speaking.

Whilst I succumbed to the pressure placed upon me to follow through with this “new and exciting” life, every weekend, as regular as clockwork, I would wake up on Saturday morning feeling “sick”. Recognising the Saturday morning “illness” as a good old fashioned dose of nerves, I persevered.

After a period of time, during which my children missed me, I felt guilty for leaving them with said stranger each weekend, and I broke out in a cold sweat and practically hyperventilated at the mere hint that I may be requested to stand on stage and address the multitudes, I quit.

That’s right…I quit. So much for leaving my comfort zone!

Which leads me to the questions, when is it the right time to step outside of your comfort zone, and how do you define how far out of your comfort zone is too far…?

When embarking upon a new venture or starting with anything new, there is bound to be a certain amount of anxiety present. How do you define the anxiety?

  • Is it butterflies in the tummy and a leaping heart? Does the mere thought of this venture make your soul sing? Is your intuition telling you to “go for it?”
  • Has the new venture you are about to embark upon been decided on through your own free will?
  • Or…Has someone coerced you into a decision, (when your intuition has its doubts), by bombarding you with a large array of so called “positive points”?
  • Does it feel as though you are about to walk through fire, and across a bed of broken glass, simultaneously?

The thrill seekers out there may be requesting the fire and broken glass at this point, however I would be surprised if any thrill seekers had any interest in reading this blog! (Thrill seekers please note ~ your Google search has led you astray!)

Wisdom gained thus far through the years has taught me a mighty strong lesson. If the anxiety brought about by an idea of trying something new is just way too high on the Richter scale, I change my plans, simple as that!

If the task is just too far outside of your comfort zone, chances are one-thousand-to-one that you won’t stick with it anyway; then you may be in danger of feeling like a failure! (But that’s another topic, for another day!)

Your intuition will never lead you astray, unless it is influenced by another person. Trust your intuition; it is an intimate friend of yours and as such, knows exactly what is best for you.

You can enjoy the very best of everything that life has to offer, by following the requests of your own intuition. Your soul will be relieved too.

So sit down in a comfortable chair, put your feet up, close your eyes, relax, take a few deep breaths and clear your mind. Tune in to the singing of your soul, as you relax comfortably, making your own personal choices, for your own personal advancement through life, in your very own comfort zone. 🙂

advice · gratitude · inspiration · music

Be Gentle with Yourself

Joanne7 Comments

The music of the 1970’s was unlike the music of any other preceding decade. And whilst it was a time when heavy metal bands blared out their raucous sounds, men grew their hair longer than women, wore more makeup than women, and everyone was wearing platform shoes, (much to the disgust of the older generations), some surprisingly sensitive songs beamed across the radio airwaves as well.

As an alternative to the Glam Rock, we enjoyed the soothing sounds of David Gates and Bread, Lobo, Carly Simon, James Taylor, The Bee Gees, Olivia Newton John, Chicago, The Hollies, Tele Savalas…Tele who?

What? You don’t recall the top rating television series Kojak, a detective show centred on a bald headed guy, Theo Kojak, played by Tele Savalas?

Don’t worry, I’ve been left out of the loop too, I have never watched an episode of Kojak; all I remember is the beautiful hit “song”, “Desiderata”.

Unless you heard Tele Savalas’s version of “Desiderata” during the 70’s, you will probably have no idea whatsoever what I am talking about here!

Tele Savalas was an actor, not a singer, however he did own a deep toned, smooth-as-silk speaking voice, and he talked his way all the way through a hit song, “Desiderata”.

As a teenager, I worked in a newsagency and bookstore. Wall posters were very “in” at the time and the newsagency carried a huge range, including one containing all of the verses of “Desiderata”. My interest was piqued.

There appears to be some debate as to the origins of Desiderata. The most popular belief seems to be that it was copyrighted in 1927, by Max Ehrmann, although further debate exists as to whether or not this copyright is still valid.

Regardless, it is a beautiful piece of writing, offering inspiration in all aspects of life, the words still as valid today as they were when Desiderata was apparently penned in the early 1900’s.

I would like to share “Desiderata” here with you today. Even if you have read through the words before, read them again now; an overdose of inspiration never hurt anyone. 🙂

Let me know how you feel about “Desiderata”, whether it is your first, or one-hundred-and-first reading. I especially love the words, “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself”.

And always remember to be gentle with yourself. 🙂

**********

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the council of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

**********

advice · challenges · Changes · inspiration · music

Child of Mine

Joanne2 Comments

Music, at times, can give me goose bumps. Not just any music though. It has to be the right combination of tune, lyrics, vocals and instruments for the “goose bumps effect” to occur. I spoke of the music/goose bumps combination in a previous post “Time Travelling…with Music”.

Rarely does the written word have the same effect on me as music does. Sure, I’ll be the first one to admit how easy it is to lose yourself in the imaginary world of a book, and yes, words do have a profound effect, although not generally the “goose bumps” effect.

The following passage, however, not only gave me goose bumps, but also brought tears to my eyes ~

“Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you’ve come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheerleading section. But I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I’m always here to compliment or assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you”. ~ Abraham Hicks.

Oh how easy it is to allow natural maternal or paternal instincts to take over, disguised in the names of nurturing, protection and love. When our children are new born babies, of course we do everything for them. They rely on us as parents to be there when they are hungry, to dress them and keep them warm, tuck them into bed at night and have hugs available by the barrow load. We have wonderful dreams of the amazing people our children will grow into.

As the years progress, we develop a habit of “doing” for our children, believing they expect us to be there for them, because that’s just what parents are there for! Think about it, didn’t our own parents always “do” for us?

And then there comes a time when we must begin to let go. With the passing of the years, our children are learning, mostly through watching the examples we set for them, through our own actions, therefore, haven’t they learned from the best? 😉

Gradually, we see a change in their demeanour. They become more independent, personal preferences begin to show. Our children still need us, but their needs change. No longer expecting us to spoon feed them, they begin to seek our approval.

Our role in their lives changes, we become our children’s “most avid cheerleading section”, giving them the confidence to strive ahead, forge on and follow their dreams. Because now, the dreams they are following are those of their own making, not our dreams for them.

As a mother of four, I have learned five main lessons from my children ~

  • Believe in them. If they have your support, in whatever they choose to do, they feel invincible.
  • Allow them to have the freedom to experience the world for themselves.
  • Keep the lines of communication open to them. Let them know they can confide in you, no matter what.
  • Let them make their own mistakes, and be there for them, when they need you.
  • Most of all, keep on loving them, and let them know you do. No child is ever too old to be reassured that they are loved by a parent.

With mutual respect and love, as the years progress, your dependant little baby will become a friend, and not just any friend, but a friend you can trust, rely on and cherish.

There is nothing more exhilarating than to watch your own child growing up, allowing them the opportunity to become the person who they really are and becoming acquainted with their own individual personality.


advice

Using the Good Crockery for the Visitors

Joanne4 Comments

“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so…but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason” ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

If you came for a visit to my home for morning or afternoon tea, I would choose my best coffee mugs to serve your coffee in, or tea cups, if you preferred tea.

Freshly baked biscuits or a piece of cake would be handed to you on matching plates.

Tea would be poured from a matching tea pot and you would help yourself to milk and sugar, offered also from a matching milk jug and sugar bowl.

The tablecloth would complement the colour of the crockery.

I would serve your morning or afternoon tea using my good crockery, because that is what I like to do.

Depending on which crockery I imagine you would prefer, I may offer you the rose patterned cups, or perhaps the white, self-patterned set. You may even prefer the willow pattern. Whatever set I choose for you, rest assured, it will match.

My friends should depart my home feeling special, if I have succeeded as a hostess.

But here, I have a confession to make…

When my family sits down each night for their evening meal, it is served on matching dinner plates, often the willow pattern, but occasionally the white self-patterned plates. And at lunchtime, even when I am eating alone, I favour a rose patterned cup and plate…

…because that is what I like to do.

In as much as I enjoy entertaining my friends at my home, bringing out the matching crockery and making them feel special, I also enjoy making my family feel special…and myself.

Why save the “good” crockery for a special occasion?

Why can’t every day be a special occasion?

Why not make every event, in every day, a special occasion?

Hopefully by now, you have realised that it’s not just about the crockery; it’s about you. Are you showing yourself the same high regard as you show to friends when they come to visit?

Perhaps the idea of pampering yourself in some way, every day, makes you feel uneasy, selfish even. Let me relay a short story to you, one that I heard many years ago.

“A mother and her two children were taking a trip on a plane. The plane was experiencing difficulties and the passengers were asked to use their oxygen masks. Being the self-less mother that she was, she made sure her two children were carefully fitted with their oxygen masks first. By the time the children were taken care of, the mother had passed out”.

Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard this story, so can’t give credit to the author. However, the message is simple ~ by taking care of yourself first; you will be better equipped to care for others.

The greatest gift that you can give to those you love, is the gift of yourself; your well cared for, loved, pampered, soul singing self.

Start today, by treating yourself to the good crockery. 🙂

advice · Changes

Writing With Reason

Joanne2 Comments

There has never been a time in my life when I haven’t wanted to write.

When my memories are panned back as far as they can possibly stretch without breaking, to before I even started my school days, I can recall trying to write by copying words I found, written on pieces of paper, and not having any inkling what all of the scrawl meant! All I knew was, it was writing. And I wanted to know how to write.

For many years thereafter, I did write, until I grew up and somehow lost myself in the real world. Not that I was happy about the real world eating me up.  I would have been quite content to permanently share my book-world with my children.

And share books with them I did, every day. Dratted school interfered. Work interfered. The realities of life flew thick and fast, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dodge the hits. I’d loved riding on the merry-go-round as a child, but the one I had become caught up on now wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t get off.

Reeling from the shock of “this is life, you can like it or lump it”, I closed my eyes, held my breath and took a massive leap into the nothingness, not knowing how or where I would land.

I’m happy to report that I did in fact survive the jump, and retreated to my safe place, a place so close to my heart it is a part of me. I went home.

The little voices inside of my head kept on urging me on; you know what you want to do, don’t just think about it, do it! My neglected garden needed urgent attention. My kitchen appeared to belong to someone else; it needed a huge dose of “Joanne-ification”.

Somewhere in the midst of becoming reacquainted with the real me, Home Life Online was born. Just one problem; I lacked the confidence to write anything. So many years had passed. What would I say?

Inspired by the need to write, although lacking confidence, I created another blog, “Memoirs of My Life”. I needed somewhere to write anonymously, with the use of a pseudonym. That could work.

And it did; it worked a treat. “Memoirs” filled me with the confidence boost I needed, enough to slowly venture out, one tiny step at a time, into a world where I now feel no fear when saying “this is me and this is what I have to say”.

I have not felt inclined to publicise “Memoirs”. After writing one particular post, however, I meekly mentioned to a new-found online friend of its existence. One beautifully worded comment left by my friend was all it took. From that day on, my confidence has soared, compared to what it used to be!

Sometimes, that is all it takes; a few encouraging words…they can mean the world to someone. Or perhaps an article, written from your own personal life’s experience, however simple, which strikes a chord with a stranger, and sets their life in a whole new positive direction.

My recent discoveries regarding writing have sent me along that particular path; writing in the hope of helping someone, anyone, be they a friend or stranger. And it’s lovely to have feedback, in the form of a comment.

And that is my message today…a few words of kindness, however simple, and even unknowingly, can change the direction of someone’s life. Be kind. 🙂