I have something in common with my Dill plant. Hindsight is pointing out to me that I have been a bit of a “dill” recently.
Today, I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, and all it took to remove that weight was a morning spent in the hospital.
I have had a health issue for a few months now and my doctor sent me for a pelvic ultra sound. The results came back, which he somberly told me “showed some abnormalities”. What I didn’t tell my doctor, for fear of an over-reaction on his part, which would have sent me into a blinding spin of fear, was that my grandmother had died of a disease which I had the symptoms of.
Was this disease hereditary? I didn’t know. But you hear so many stories in the news of families who are pre-disposed to a certain illness. Was this one of them? I also knew that my symptoms may be nothing too serious at all. But in my state of panic, I managed to pre-empt the worst case scenario.
A visit to my one time obstetrician, these days gynecologist, abated my fears. No, although there may be a slight and very distant link to my symptoms as a hereditary disease, I was not a high risk case, having not one single “yes” to any known risk factor. I felt reassured.
So yesterday morning at 6 am, off I went to the hospital, to undergo a procedure which would fix my problem, amid a massive dose of nerves, fear, terror, dry mouth, racing heart, you name the “worry” symptom, I had it. By 1 pm, I was back at home again, slightly groggy, still very dry of mouth and starving hungry.
This morning I had a phone call from my gynecologists nurse, enquiring how I was feeling after my night at home. I assured her that I am feeling great, which I am, then I managed to muster up the courage to ask her if she knew how my procedure had gone. Her words were music to my ears, “Doctor has noted that everything went through without any problems and he has no concerns”.
See now why I think I may have been a bit of a dill? I’m such a healthy person, I rarely even come down with a cold these days, yet when something health-wise does go amiss I tend to always imagine the worst thing possible is wrong with me. I also hibernate.
Two weeks can change everything, I have discovered. In my last post, I had to get something out in the open. I realised that holding “bad stuff” inside of me was eating away at me, affecting my health and my state of mind. I hate to burden people with my worries and fears, or any adverse emotion for that matter, yet I had reached the stage where I couldn’t carry the burden alone any longer. I had to open up, and the response I got from you all was amazing! All of your comments brought tears to my eyes, I felt the caring in your words, and oh my, you have no idea how wonderful it made me feel! Thank you, one and all, for caring. I hadn’t really expected anyone to comment at all, as it was such a down-toned post, I just needed to get my worries out into The Universe . You were all so fantastic in your support; thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sharing my worries with you all also gave me the courage to speak with my family about my wish to live elsewhere, especially with my husband. I told him that I have to be what he would no doubt regard as me being selfish, as I am causing myself to have health issues through my dissatisfaction with my life. I only have myself to blame. My restlessness ended up manifesting itself within my body, forming into something which only a hospital procedure could rectify.
I believe that we are all responsible for our own thoughts, our own health, our own actions. We cannot hold another person responsible for our problems. When we are faced with an issue which we regard as something adverse, we have choices in how we cope with the problem. I know these things in my own mind and believe them with all my heart. It’s just that being a human being can get in the way sometimes, we can veer off track and mess things up. Yet we know we can do better.
That is how I’ve felt lately. Trying to cope with issues alone, trying not to burden my family, trying to carry my problem around by myself and work things out all by myself, so as not to worry my family with anything. I’ve been messing up, monumentally, in a very human way.
I should never have feared, my family were there for me, I felt their love and support. As one of my daughters has told me recently, as a child, she was the dependant one, coming to me with her problems. Now she is an adult, the tables can turn sometimes, I can go to her with my problems, and she can help me, she’s an adult now. Isn’t that sweet?
We are coming up with ideas, left, right and centre, about how we can have the best of both worlds, by keeping our home here, which I absolutely love, and my children never want to see leave our family, and having another home, where I can spend some of the year, in the place of my heart, the Blue Mountains. With compromise, planning and time, we are aiming to have it all.
I read a passage this morning, written by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, which really spoke to me. It is so easy to become buried amid the humdrum of day to day life and lose focus of the big picture. It’s a matter of learning to focus on both aspects of one’s life. I’d like to share his words with you here ~
“One of the huge imbalances in life is the disparity between your daily existence, with its routines and habits, and the dream you have within yourself of some extraordinarily satisfying way of living. Buried within you is an unlimited capacity for creation that’s anxious to plant seedlings to fulfill your dreams and your destiny. The absence of balance between dreams and daily routine can reveal itself in symptoms of depression, illness, or anxiety—but it’s more often something that feels like an unwelcome companion by your side, which continually whispers to you that you’re ignoring something. You sense that there’s a higher agenda; your way of life and your reason for life are out of balance. Until you pay attention, this subtle visitor will continue to prod you to regain your equilibrium.
When you live your life going through the motions, it may seem to be convenient, but the weight of your dissatisfaction creates a huge imbalance in the only life you have now. It shows up when you’re sound asleep and your dreams are filled with reminders of what you’d love to be, but you wake and return to pursuing your safe routine. Allow yourself to think about this “fire from heaven.” What are your dreams and how can you shift your thinking habits to match your dreams? Commit to thinking about what you want, rather than how impossible or difficult that dream may seem. Give your personal dreams a place to hang out so that you can see them in your imagination and they can soak up the energy they deserve. Thoughts are mental energy; they’re the currency that you have to attract what you desire. Learn to stop spending that currency on thoughts you don’t want. Your body might continue, for a while, to stay where it’s been trained to be, but meanwhile, your thoughts are being aligned with your dreams. Align your inner creative energy—your thoughts—so that they match up perfectly with your desires. Dream and you shall become.” ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
I am dreaming, and this time I am sharing my dreams. Without anyone else losing their dreams, I can have mine. Oh how I do love compromise!
Next time I write I will be back to my usual self, with photos, happiness, joy and well being. Thank you for being my blogging friends. And please, if any of you have a dream, go for it!
“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. Time will pass anyway.” ~ Earl Nightingale.
16 thoughts on “A Different Light.”
Reblogged this on Beatz kane Blog.
Thank you. 🙂
This is a lovely, uplifting post. Best wishes to you in pursuit of your dream. I only wish it was so easy to just go for it!
By the way, I’m curious about you saying you’ve been “like a dill” – is that an Australian idiom of some sort? I am not familiar with its meaning.
Oh dear, I didn’t realise that this wasn’t a universal saying Karma! So thank you for asking. I Googled it and it seems to be Australian, which I hadn’t realised. If you call a person a dill, it basically means they have acting stupidly in some way. We can learn so much from blogging! 🙂
This is wonderful news, Joanne, about your physical health and your dreams, too! Adult children are such a blessing – when we’ve nurtured them well they find it natural to respond in kind by nurturing their parents when they need some tender loving care, too. Looking forward to hearing about coming times in your soul place, the Blue Mountains. 🙂
I always thought it was the best feeling in the world to see your small children grow into adults Barbara, yet it has been taken one step further for me recently, as I see the care and compassion my children have shown to me. It’s enough to make my heart explode with joy! I look forward to sharing my mountains with you. 🙂
I am happy you have identified your needs, found your voice, and that your family has understood, accepted and is willing to work to help satisfy those needs. I think too often we (women) feel we must subjicate our desires and needs to those of the family, but that will not work for an entire lifetime. Compromise is what keeps relationships alive. I wish you success on this journey!
Thank you so much for your kind words Carol. Compromise works well for small issues, but when it’s a huge, heart-felt, deal breaker of a desire, I’ve found that it’s best to speak out about it. I think it helps in all relationships to let the other person know that their wants are not the only matters of importance. It’s so easy to make a doormat out of yourself for the sake of keeping the peace. I’ve learnt that I am worth more than that, we all are.
So delighted that this news turned out well. So happy that you are listening to your body and soul and moving in the direction you need to move. I admire your courage. Did you happen to notice my post from Lissa Rankin on Facebook yesterday? You should read what she has to say–but, then again–I think you’ve already written your own prescription for health and are following it. *hugs*
I came across Lissa Rankin a few months ago Kathy and have subscribed to her blog too, and yes, I did see your post on Facebook and read it straight away! I think it’s fantastic that Lissa has the medical knowledge but also realises the power of a person’s thoughts, and the impact that the mind can have over our bodies. If only all doctors were just like her! I do believe that the ultimate prescription though is to listen to our own bodies. Hugs to you. xxx
Wow – I am happy that the procedure went well and you are on the mend, Joanne – both physically and mentally. I find that it is the mental part of our selves that controls a great part of our physical health, but that is also the hardest part to control (for me, at least). I have a “toolbox” to focus on the light rather than my dark thoughts. Looks like you’ve found your tools as well. ❤
Thank you Stacy. I worried about it all for way too long and I believe that worry played a huge part in my needing the procedure. We can play so many mind-game with ourselves and if we can just calm our minds and not let them run away at full speed in the “worry” gear, we will be just fine! Knowing that we must keep a tight reign on our thoughts though is a huge first step in keeping our bodies well. 🙂
That’s a lot to keep inside. Never forget, a burden shared, is a burden lessened.
I am so happy the news was positive. Now you can EXHALE !
Oh it was a very long exhale Sybil! I’m a firm believer that a burden shared is a burden lessened and always tell my friends and family that they can talk to me, yet when I was in need, I didn’t want to burden them….I have learnt my lesson now. 🙂
Wonderful news, Joanne! I think we’re a lot alike in terms of imagining the worst case scenario, and then hibernating with it. Wishing you a wonderful journey through your dreams. 🙂
I think a big lesson I have learnt is not to internalise my fears so much. The support of my family has amazed me and also warmed my heart. My children are more grown-up now than I knew! Thank you so much for your kind words, Robin. 🙂