A Sense of Spirit · authenticity · Changes · friends · gratitude

A week has passed….

Wednesday's Sunset.
Wednesday’s Sunset.

A week ago today was a very different day to this Saturday. I can’t say that it has been the easiest week I have ever lived through, but I have survived, albeit with a hole in my heart where by beautiful Tess once lived. I simply can’t bring myself to write about the day again. On Sunday last week I added a brief summary of events to my blipfoto journal ~

“And so a new day begins, without our beautiful girl and the house and garden seem so quiet and still….

Josh, a close friend going back to childhood days, of my son Ben, who is now a vet, came to our home and helped Tess to end her suffering. We took her to a place in the garden where she loved to sit, an area of lawn near to the pool, and she lay there quietly as if she knew what was to come.

Josh was a God-send with his gentle voice and manner. Tess’s acceptance of what was to be, and being there with my two sons and husband as Tess gently closed her eyes was a beautiful end to our dear fury girl’s life. Tess now joins our other fury friends, our three other dogs, Sire, Bear and Nellie and our cat, Sunny, in the pet graveyard, in the garden beside the pool.”

The next day, we bought an azalea, and this is what I wrote on blipfoto the following day ~

“The back garden is so big and empty today and the veranda, where Tess’s bed once lay with her on it are both gone. And my mind has gone to mush. Even as I dressed myself this morning, I thought, “the last time I wore these clothes, Tess was still with us”. I know, it’s pathetic, and I have sewing to do for children who start back at school next week. What will the children wear to school if I don’t pull my finger out and get sewing?

I know this mopey feeling will pass. It’s just all so new right now, not having her around…

Yesterday we went looking for a plant to mark her grave and found a very pretty Azalea. Her grave is in a shady area, not far from two frangipani trees, so it will be a very lovely area when the garden there is completed.”

Tess's Azalea.
Tess’s Azalea.

I wrote these two passages on the day that they happened and I still ache inside as I re-read the words I wrote. I simply cannot write new words, so I hope you will forgive me for taking the easy road and adding what was already written.

Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.
Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.

But life goes on….my grand-puppy Bella, a gentle and affectionate Border Collie, has spent some days with me this week. She is a beautiful companion and she has made me laugh so many times. Bella being here has shown me that their is life after Tess, that I can love again.

Already, I know who my next puppy will be and I know her name. I see her face in my mind’s eye. She will find me when the time is right, but that time is not now. I think she will find me in a few months time, after my still-raw wounds of the heart have been given some time to heal.

My word for 2014 is Authentic. I could pretend that I’m feeling just fine, but in keeping with my word, I can’t, I wont pretend. I know that we made the right decision to let Tess sleep, that she is now running around the big field in the sky with her friend Nellie and that we will meet again one day. But it still hurts to lose her. I need time.

I thought I was okay, but my eyes are welling with tears again as I type. I know this will pass, but obviously there are still a few more tears that need to escape my eyes. When I think of all the kind and comforting messages my blogging and blipfoto friends have left me during the last week, again my eyes fill with tears, but tears of a different kind. These tears are those of gratitude for the kindness shown to me by so many people, people who I have mostly never met in person, yet I have been enveloped by hugs of kindness through the internet waves.

Thank you, my friends. ❤

Rest well, my Tess. ❤

blessings · freedom · friends

A Sad Day…

In Loving Memory

If it should be

” If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should wake me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can’t be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
Don’t let your grief then stay your hand
For this day more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test.

Together we’ve had so many happy years,
And what is to come will hold no fears –
You’ll not want me to suffer, and so,
When the time comes, please let me go.

I know in time you too will see
It is a kindness you do to me,
Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

Do not grieve that it should be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do,
We’ve been so close we two these years,
So don’t let your heart
Hold any tears.” ~ Author Unknown.

friends · inspiration · sewing

Cee’s Share Your World ~ Week 2, 2014.

The old stone bridge at Alport in Derbyshire. One day I will walk on the ground that my ancestors walked on.  Photo credit ~ My dear friend, Keith Talbot.
The old stone bridge at Alport in Derbyshire. One day I will walk on the ground that my ancestors walked on.
Photo credit ~ My dear friend, Keith Talbot.

Cee’s Share Your World questions spoke to me this week. About to begin my sewing, with plans to continue for the day, I quickly peeked through my WordPress reader (just a moment wouldn’t hurt, I told myself).

So here I am, an hour later, writing a new post of my own as my heart advised me to, and in doing so I know that I will focus on the events of my day ahead with clarity, which I would not have done without writing first….

If you had to move to a country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

England. It’s always been England…always has, always will be. My parents left the country, with my three elder sisters, years before my birth and I have never visited the country. So how do I know the country so well in my heart, I wonder.

Music or silence while working?

Ah ha, another easy question for me. A few days before Christmas I bought a tiny “music machine” on which I could play old CD’s of my favourite Christmas carols (which I did) and today, as I work, I will be dragging out more old CD’s to listen to throughout the day. I had already planned this morning on listening to music as I worked today, then Cee asks the question.

I agree with Carol, she is showing her pink personality. :)
I agree with Carol, she is showing her pink personality. 🙂

What is your favorite color?

Well, seeing as you ask Cee, I took a photo yesterday of a red flower, which showed up as a pink flower on the screen, to which Carol commented, “It’s her pink personality she’s showing – not quite as forceful as her red personality”. In the Psychology of Colour, red, my old favourite colour for many, many moons is a rather forceful colour. These last few month I have become more drawn to lighter colours, mostly pinks. Perhaps, like the flower, I am showing my pink personality more these days.

Do you have a bucket list? What are your three items? A bucket list are things you want to do before you die.

No Cee, I don’t actually have a bucket list. There would be way too many “to do” items on my list and if I had a list, as I ticked off each item, I would feel that it was a day closer to my demise. Yes, I hear you all saying, “but that’s exactly what every day is anyway, regardless of a bucket list!”, which I realise. I just prefer it this way. But I do plan on travelling overseas someday to even more countries than just England, visiting some of the areas I have yet to see around Australia, buy a house in the Blue Mountains where I grew up, see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren, work some more on my family tree website, do more work on my garden, take a flight in a helicopter (over water though, ground below seems scary!)…..Cee said three things, , I know, but remember, this isn’t a bucket list!

Thank you Cee! As always, the questions were fun to answer. 🙂

Uncategorized

Weekly Photo Challenge ~ Window

A window through a window.
A window through a window.

Whilst choosing photos for my Byron Bay Lighthouse post yesterday I had difficulty in deciding which photos to add. This lighthouse is very photogenic indeed! When I read in my emails this morning that the WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge for this week is “window”, it opened a window of opportunity for me to add a few more photos taken in and around the lighthouse. 😉

Three windows and a door.
Three windows and a door.

I like windows, and taking photos of windows, I also like to take photos through windows, so this challenge appealed to me. Actually, it’s really no challenge at all. Even if I hadn’t taken so many window photos in and around the lighthouse, I would have had no difficulty whatsoever in finding other window photos. 🙂

A view from the lighthouse keepers house.
A view from the lighthouse keepers house.

“I discovered windows one afternoon and after that, nothing was ever the same.” ~ Anne Spollen.

Portal to the Ocean.
Portal to the Ocean.

“The window of opportunity opens and closes as fast as a camera’s shutter.” ~ Warren Criswell.

A deep window sill, used as a display shelf in the downstairs room in the lighthouse.
A deep window sill, doubling as a display shelf in the downstairs room in the lighthouse.
Australia · blessings · Byron Bay · daughter · gratitude

Byron Bay Lighthouse

The Byron Bay Lighthouse.
The Byron Bay Lighthouse.

“Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are passed.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher.

The rocky cliffs heading down to the sea, but where are the mountain goats?
The rocky cliffs heading down to the sea, but where are the mountain goats?

I came across the quote by Henry Ward Beecher recently and thought it to be very sound advice, especially so if you wish to forget anything that has happened in your past life that has caused you pain.

The old lighthouse keepers house, now a museum.
The old lighthouse keepers house, now a museum.

Well, as much as I wish to follow Henry’s advice, I’m not ready to do so yet, as I have something wonderful to share with you all today, and it happened last year! But do note that I used the word “wonderful”, it was an exciting day at the time and I’m excited to be sharing the event with you now.

Rooms now display old photos and information of interest from the days of old.
Rooms now display old photos and information of interest from the days of old.

My baby girl Emma and I love browsing around markets, especially markets selling alternate, but good quality wares. We had heard a whisper that the market at Bangalow, about three-quarters of an hour drive south and held on the last Sunday of each month was such a market.

Two Estuary Cod fish.....No, wait, isn't that Emma?!
Two Estuary Cod fish…..No, wait, isn’t that Emma?!

I’ll have to write another post about the market itself, as to combine two destinations into one story would be way too long, as Emma and I met a couple of interesting characters at the markets, whose stories are worthy of sharing.

Can you imagine waking up to this view at your front door every day? That's what the lighthouse keeper used to do!
Can you imagine waking up to this view at your front door every day? That’s what the lighthouse keeper used to do!

Today is the story of the lighthouse, at Byron Bay, situated on the eastern-most point of Australia and just a hop, skip and a jump from Bangalow, where Emma and I went to have lunch after we had finished the rounds of the market.

Some info for those of you who like to know the actual factuals....
Some info for those of you who like to know the actual factuals….

The weather of the day was warm, but not the ridiculously unbearable humidity that we sometimes suffer through during the warmer months here. The sun blazed away in the blue sky and all was well with the world.

The room just nside the downstairs of the lighthouse, where people can wait, "patiently!" for the next tour to the top....  :)
The room just inside the downstairs of the lighthouse, where people can wait, “patiently!” for the next tour to the top…. 🙂

Since my childhood days I have visited the lighthouse at Byron Bay. It’s a beautiful area and the point where the lighthouse is located holds magic in the air. There used to be wild mountain goats grazing on the steep inclines leading up to the lighthouse but I didn’t see any the day Emma and I were there. I think Emma thought I’d gone a bit potty when I told her to look out for the mountain goats! Sadly, we didn’t see any.

More actual factuals, this sweet little building was built in 1901. In the displays they even have the original plans of the two buildings.
More actual factuals, this sweet little building was built in 1901. In the displays they even have the original plans of the two buildings.

Every time I have been to the lighthouse I have wanted to go inside. I became even more fascinated by the interior’s of lighthouses during the days when my children were young and loved watching a TV show called “Round the Twist”, based on books written by Australian author Paul Jennings, where the Twist family lived in a lighthouse. Strange events took place in and around the lighthouse, with a magical and sometimes supernatural slant, all of which had me riveted to the TV set as firmly as my children were, to watch the show.

And this would be the door to the inner sanctum, the door I have dreamed about walking through, closed.
And this would be the door to the inner sanctum, the door I have dreamed about walking through, closed.

The Byron Bay lighthouse has never, not once, in all the years I have visited, been open to the public, but lo and behold, on this fine Sunday afternoon when Emma and I arrived there, it was open! Oh joy of joys, I could finally go into the lighthouse!

But wait, today they will open this door! Things are looking up, my friends!
Today they will open this door! Things are looking up, my friends!

“All who joy would win must share it. Happiness is a twin.” ~ Lord Byron quote ~ 1788-1824.

Is this really happening? Yes it is, I'm inside the lighthouse!
Is this really happening? Yes it is, I’m inside the lighthouse!

But wait, it gets even better….one of the friendly volunteers asked if we would like to go on the next tour, to the top of the lighthouse! Would I what!! I must admit that I think I may have heard a slight groan from Emma, when she found out that to be on the next tour, we would have to wait for nearly an hour. Hadn’t I waited for her to finish her ballet classes for eight whole years? Hadn’t I ferried her to friends houses until she was old enough to drive herself? Hadn’t I done so with barely a single complaint uttered? Now it was my turn for some fun; I made her wait. There were no further groans.

I admired and photographed it all, every single nut and bolt I could see. Okay, maybe I missed one or two nuts and bolts, but wow! :)
I admired and photographed it all, every single nut and bolt I could see. Okay, maybe I missed one or two nuts and bolts, but wow! 🙂

I should have counted the stairs as we climbed the course to the top, with me leading the way, but I didn’t. My camera was too busy clicking away at every turn in the stairs, at every flat platform, at every window, at every nut and bolt in the wall. I had waited for this day for a lifetime and I didn’t want to miss a single detail. It didn’t disappoint.

Here lies all of the gadgemetry to project the beams of the light, right up at the very top of the inner sanctum..
Here lies all the gadgemetry to project the beams of the light, right up at the very top of the inner sanctum..

“Roll on, deep and dark blue ocean, roll. Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain. Man marks the earth with ruin, but his control stops at the shore.” ~ Lord Byron ~ 1788-1824.

Here stands "Emma the Brave" casually posing for a photograph on the lighthouse balcony, as my legs go to jelly.
Here stands “Emma the Brave” casually posing for a photograph on the lighthouse balcony, as my legs go to jelly.

The top of the lighthouse was really fascinating and our friendly guide knew all the ins-and-outs of every specific mathematical detail there was to know about the structure of this fabulous creation, all very interesting on the day, however I’ve forgotten most of what she told us. I was there for the feel of the building, the magic of the area, the stories of the lighthouse keepers, the sounds of the ocean and the joy of the people who shared the tour to the top with us. Those feelings remain.

Realising that I couldn't live in the lighthouse, we headed down. Such opportunities must remain with the fictitional characters in children's TV shows.
Realising that I couldn’t live in the lighthouse, we headed down. Such opportunities must remain with the fictional characters in children’s TV shows.

At the very top, I wimped out. I go jelly legged at heights and as much a I would have loved to have gone out onto the very narrow balcony surrounding the top edge of the lighthouse, I declined the offer. Well, I did venture out onto the balcony for two seconds, whilst holding the door and not looking directly down, and I even considered letting go of the door and walking a few steps along the balcony….it ended at mere consideration and I stayed inside. Maybe next time.

"Hello down there!" This young man was chastised by his father for holding up the trafic. I assured him that I didn't mind and that I had taken his photo. :)
“Hello down there!” This young man was chastised by his father for holding up the traffic. I assured him that I didn’t mind and that I had taken his photo. 🙂

And there will be a next time, Emma and I have decided, and we will be taking my other daughter with us when we go. This much magic needs to be shared. 🙂

And the journey down the stairs continues. I didn't count the stairs on the way down either....
And the journey down the stairs continues. I didn’t count the stairs on the way down either….and my legs again turned to jelly when I learned over the balustrade to take this photo!

“Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.” ~ Lord Byron ~ 1788-1824.

The Beaming Lighthouse.
The Beaming Byron Bay Lighthouse.