Category: challenges

advice · challenges · freedom · knowledge

“Which Part of the Word “NO” Don’t You Understand?”

Joanne3 Comments

Dependable. Reliable. Trustworthy.

Unruffled. Problem Solver. Innovative.

I’m sure It would be an accurate assumption if I were to proclaim that everyone appreciates having a person in their lives, who possesses the above qualities.

When you miss the last bus home ~ they pick you up.

Your car runs out of petrol ~ they offer their car keys.

You’re flat broke and can’t pay your bills ~ they find money to lend to you.

You know the person I’m talking about. Right along the scale of extremes, ranging from something as simple as buying you a carton of milk, right through to providing you with a roof over your head when you lose your home, they’re there for you.

As a confidant, no one can surpass them. Your secrets are as safe as if they were locked in a vault.

This person thinks nothing of offering you their shoulder to cry on, only to find themselves drowning in your rivers of tears.

No, you say, they won’t drown, they’re invincible, solid as a rock, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound…

But are they? How long can they tolerate being your whipping-post?

Just imagine this; what if one day, assuming as you do, that your back-drop will be there, patiently awaiting your latest life’s little drama, poised at the ready, waiting to run to you as you click your fingers. But they’re not available. What if they are busy, have commitments elsewhere, have an appointment. Worse still…

What if they say no?!

What would you do then? Think they were joking? Laugh it off? Try to persuade them that your life is more important than theirs? Your time is more valuable?

And they still say no.

What’s going on? This isn’t going according to the script. They must be on the wrong page. You explain to them the importance of your dilemma. Say please. Explain some more. Plead with them. Assume they will change their mind and get over their moment of insanity.

No, they further explain…it can’t be done.

Okay, you think to yourself, I understand. They’re having a bad day/don’t feel well/ran out of milk themselves. They’ll get over it. Right now. I need them to jump. According to my plan, this is where they ask me how high.

Hmm…here’s a thought, just out of the blue, thrown in from left-wing, just a random thought at that…What if they don’t have a problem? What if you are their only problem?

What part of NO don’t you understand? Is it the “N” you are can’t get your head around, or is it the “O”?

It’s time to look reality right in the face. You are responsible for yourself. No one else is. If someone offers an act of kindness, appreciate it, thank them, don’t take them for granted, value them.

That special someone in your life, the one with the heart of gold, is allowed to have a life of their own. They are entitled to make plans, showing no consideration to the likelihood of your impending latest life’s drama.

It’s well worthwhile to keep this simple thought in mind. When making a request to someone, the likely outcome can go two ways ~ they may say yes, or they may actually say no.

You asked the question, be prepared for either answer. With a dignified acceptance of the answer being no, your friend is more likely to say yes the next time, especially so if you thank them for their time, their assistance and their friendship.

You wouldn’t want that heart of gold to tarnish,  now would you?

challenges · Changes · happiness · inspiration

The Funniest Thing Happened, Last Weekend…

Joanne6 Comments

During the weekend we adopted a very unlikely new family member.

I place the blame totally on the shoulders of my eldest daughter. Whenever we go shopping together we simply must visit ever pet shop within a two kilometre radius of our destination. Just to check out the cute baby kittens and pups, she tells me.

My daughter already shares her home with the most beautiful male cat in existence (he’s from the same litter as my Little Miss Cutie Cat), and a dog who I am sure isn’t really an animal, due to his natural ability to converse with his people, (have you ever seen a dog smile? My daughter’s dog does!)

Regular readers here may also recall that I often refer to my own family of pets, my black velvet Rottweiler, my eleven year old queen cat, as well as the afore mention little cutie cat, who likes to help me with the gardening.

One pet I have never owned, and one my family has constantly requested, is a bird.

Now let me set the records straight. As opposed to popular opinion, it’s not that I don’t like birds; when they come to visit me while I am gardening, which they often do, (much to my amazement!) I talk to them and we co-exist quite happily in amongst the foliage.

I’m just not fussed on little, fluttery, twitting birds; I find them smelly and boring. (No offense to anyone who owns such a bird…that’s just me).

Anyway, back to the shopping expedition with my daughter. Our shopping list wasn’t too extensive ~ some wool, a couple of stationary items and a new pair of ballet tights and leg-warmers for my daughter, a ballet dancer since age six.

Although neither of the pet shops had any kittens at all, nor any ‘goo and gar’ worthy puppies, we still had a wander around to admire the huge array of pet toys on display.

Our wandering may have been a huge mistake, or else a stroke of sheer luck, depending on how you look at it.

In a huge cage, smack bang in the middle of one of the pet shops, sat a large bird. Not the little flapping variety, nor one as big as an eagle…but a pastel coloured parrot. I bent down to say hello to the bird, perched all alone in a cage which would have no doubt been large enough to hold four birds his size.

When I bent down to say hello to the bird, he walked over to me, tilted his head, and listened…I talked some more. Continuing to tilt his head from side to side, he listened some more.

After I left the pet shop, I continued to think about this bird. It had a personality, something I had never noticed in any bird before.

Each day, throughout the week, I thought of him. I spoke to the family about him, who in turn gave me the strangest looks, asking “You actually liked a bird?”

On Saturday, I phoned the pet shop; I had some questions. On Sunday, after the delicate operation of having one wing clipped, he came home with us.

At the moment I am referring to him as “he”, although we won’t know for a while yet as to whether he is a boy. It doesn’t matter though. We have named him “Charlie”, a name suitable for either sex.

Charlie is apparently only one year old and once he has settled into his new home we will train him to be handled and to come out of his cage. Thanks to the World Wide Web, I am now in the midst of taking a crash course in owning and training a parrot!

The initial personality displayed by Charlie was only a glimmer of things to come. Having lived with us for less than two days, we already know he enjoys munching on pieces of apple and raisins, he prefers toast to bread sticks, and likes to lick the salt off Ritz cracker biscuits.

He favours gentle music over heavy rock and roll. He bops along his front perch, swaying from side to side and nodding his head up and down to songs he enjoys, moving to the back perch and sitting quietly when the song is over. (We have decided his favourite song is Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody).

Due to his age, which is apparently likened to being a teenager, he is prone to biting any finger which pokes itself into his cage! I have discovered that, by calmly pulling my finger back and saying “gentle”, he then licks my finger…gently.

It has been an interesting two days, to say the very least. Who would have thought…me, owning a bird!

Only time will tell how this new relationship will develop.

To be continued…. 🙂

advice · basics · challenges · Changes · father · freedom · inspiration · Mum

What’s Behind the Fear of Parting with “Stuff”?

Joanne4 Comments

Yesterday I spoke about my thoughts on “Adopting the Minimalist Approach”, a subject which I feel quite strongly about for my own life, and although the concept is to “minimise” the material and emotional baggage in our lives, I have reached the conclusion that to minimise is, well, rather a complex subject.

Although we say we want to discard the unwanted material “stuff” in our homes, we don’t always actually take the action to do it…

What is it that we are so afraid of?

Let me tell you about the emotional tug o’ war I experienced myself, just this week, when sorting through the unused clothing hanging in my own wardrobe ~

Tucked away, right at the far end of the hanging rack, I had a long sleeved blouse, a gift from my mother; a short sleeved blouse, a gift from my father, and a knitted beige top, another gift from my father. When these items were newer, I wore them constantly. Each item, in its turn, had once been a much loved article of clothing.

Now, these clothes were yellowing, and smelled “musty”. Why? My mother has been gone nearly seventeen years, and my father, nearly twelve years!

“Who am I kidding”, I asked myself, “by hanging onto these clothes, will it bring my parents back??”

The truth of the matter is, if my parents were able, they would be the first to tell me to get rid of the clothes…and now I have.

What other excuses do we make to ourselves, you know, the self-talk moments we all have, when trying to justify why we can’t let go? ‘I might wear it/need it again one day’ or ‘I’ll fit into it again, when I lose weight’ or even ‘it’ll cost so much to replace it’.

I’m as guilty as the next person, I procrastinate when it comes time for the big clean out. But you know something? Once you start tossing that unwanted stuff into bags or boxes, momentum kicks in…The more you part with, the easier it gets!

Every time I get rid of more stuff, I feel liberated, and lighter. It’s like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I keep on going back to admire the clean, neat, tidy and emptier cupboards!

Getting rid of unwanted “stuff” fills me with a sense of achievement.

Another gigantic plus to owning less clothing is…a smaller ironing pile! More time away from the ironing board! Now, you can’t complain about that, can you? I’m not! 🙂

Every action we take should be motivated by the question of how this is going to improve our life.

With less clutter in our life ~ we can breathe more easily; it lifts the burden of the “excess weight” of material possessions.

When the clutter has been removed ~ it opens up the “space” around us, both physically and emotionally, making way for fresh, new, wonderful experiences to find us.

When the clothing is minimised ~ we spend less time deciding what to wear (and the ironing pile is smaller! 🙂 )

If you are planning on minimising the “stuff” that is blocking the flow of your life, I encourage you to ask yourself what it is that is holding you back from letting go. And be honest with yourself.

And if all else fails, think about how happy dogs are. All they ask for is food, shelter, love and a kind word. They don’t need any of the “stuff” we humans accumulate, but they are happy.

How about making yourself a little happier too? 🙂

basics · challenges · Changes

Adopting the Minimalist Approach…

Joanne7 Comments

Yesterday, I “accidentally” finished all of my ironing…yes, that’s right…

I don’t have an ironing pile climbing up the wall anymore!

It all began a couple of days ago. I felt cold. My fingers were so cold that I’m sure they might have snapped in half, if I were to try bending them. Doing some ironing would warm my fingers up very nicely.

To cut a long and boring story short, (yes, boring…ironing is boring, believe me), I enjoyed the warmth of the iron all day, although my over-exertion, in the interests of keeping warm, created yet another problem…I ran out of coat hangers.

To every problem, there is a solution, and the solution to this one made my heart sing. I discarded more unused clothing from my wardrobe!

The periodic analysis of my life over the past couple of years has made it clearly evident to me that a huge chunk of the middle of my life, to date, has been lived to other people’s standards rather than my own.

The reality of it is ~ I’m a “closet” minimalist.

Hot on the tail of yesterday’s post, “Flicking the Labels”, I am reluctant to label myself by announcing “I am a minimalist”. But yes, living a minimalistic life does appeal to me…it “feels” right for me.

Look at what I have hung on to over the years, not wishing to discard useful items, before they were past their “use-by date”…

  • My refrigerator worked perfectly, although it had rust marks covering the doors. I buckled and purchased a new fridge, after hearing that “old fridges never die”.
  • When my washing machine did die, after hearing the painful news that there was simply no hope of resurrection, I reluctantly purchased a new machine. Lifetime of the old washing machine ~ 1988 to 2009.
  • My children nicknamed my first mobile phone “The Dinosaur”. Another hurtful name they gave it was “The Brick”. I’m here to tell you that I became rather attached to that phone. I only owned it for about eight years and it didn’t miss a beat. Initially I had resisted owning one, but the Man of the House insisted I have a mobile, giving it to me as a gift…
  • Our TV set came into our family around the same time as the washing machine, in 1988. It has served us all very well over all of these years, and continues to do so.
  • When the fabric began to fade and fray on my old favourite lounge chair, I had it recovered…simple!
  • The first car I owned, a two door, stopped being functional after I had my first two children, so after nine years, I traded it in on a four door sedan. That car served me well for ten years and was traded in for a four wheel drive after the birth of my fourth child, as I needed a six seater car. Five years later, when my eldest son had his own car I couldn’t justify hanging on to a “gas guzzler” so traded it in on another four door sedan, which I have had for four years so far.

This list could go on; however I think you get the picture. I loathe the idea of discarding useful items. I refuse to get sucked in by all of the glitzy marketing of buying the “latest and greatest, you’ve simply got to have it” fashionable items.

Don’t the consumers realise it ~ everything goes out of fashion!

My discarding of useless items, especially clothing, is so liberating! The clothes I have hanging in my wardrobe now have air flowing around them; no longer are they all squashed up together to fit them all onto the hanging rail. The clothes I’m parting company with, I never wear anyway, and the charity shop will make good use of them. Not to mention the fact that I finished my ironing…and had enough coat hangers for everything…win/win!

Becoming a genuine minimalist would entail selling household furniture and appliances, only hanging onto the barest minimum. It would also involve downsizing my home and perhaps selling my car in favour of riding a bike, which would, in turn, create more problems…

1 ~ All of the furniture in my home is enjoyed and used every day.

2 ~ We actually need a home the size of ours, to accommodate our family.

3 ~ (Don’t laugh)…I don’t know how to ride a bike, never owned one. Besides which,

we live way too far from the town for it to be practical.

So where does that all leave me? This year especially, I have upgraded my desire to part company with all material item which are no longer of any use to me. I now purchase only the essentials in food and clothing, reverting back to my own old ways of growing food in the garden and making my own clothes.

Actually, “back to basics” is perhaps the more apt expression for how I prefer to live. Although you could also say I’m a minimalist…basically! 🙂

Let me know what you think about this topic. Are there any more “closet” minimalists out there?

advice · birthdays · challenges · Changes · daughter · happiness · knowledge

Happy Birthday…18 Year Old

Joanne8 Comments

One of my children will turn eighteen this year. Being born in the year 1992, by the time the day of her birthday arrives, the law of the land will pronounce she has permission to legally vote, purchase cigarettes, tobacco and lottery tickets, purchase and drink alcohol, enter clubs and bars, get married without parental permission and sign legal contracts.

To put it simply, at the age of seventeen years and three-hundred-and-sixty-four-days, she will be regarded as a dependent child. The very next day, she will have apparently made an overnight transformation into an adult.

Long gone are the days of “Coming of Age”, when the proud parents of the birthday boy or girl would ceremoniously present their “new adult” with the “Key to the Door” ~ when turning the age of twenty-one.

What exactly is the point of all of this grand-standing, pomp and ceremony, presented to the newly turned eighteen year old?

Did the magical fairy from “The Land of Eighteen” wave her magic wand over this child, whilst they slept, bestowing said child with all of the knowledge, wisdom and acumen they will need to carry them through this magical journey they are about to embark upon…called adulthood?

According to the law, the answer is yes…I, however, would beg to differ.

To all of my daughter’s friends, whether your birthday is today…tomorrow…this month…or this year, I wish you the absolute best of everything you could ever imagine, even in your wildest dreams, for the most magical life of your own creation…but don’t let any law fool you into believing your life begins today!

For your magical journey actually began eighteen years ago. And there is no final destination to this journey.

Did you realise that you were born with your very own in-built sense of knowledge, wisdom and adventure? Next time you meet a baby or a young child, look deeply into their eyes…there you will find the clarity and wisdom that us mere adults can only dream about!

The eyes are the window to the soul, and within a babies untainted eyes you will find all the wisdom of “knowing”.

You may not realise this, but you still have the very same natural wisdom you were born with, that same wisdom you see in the eyes of babies. But you may have forgotten that it was there all along.  You’ve probably just misplaced it somewhere, lost amongst the millions of words embedded inside your brain by family, friends, teachers, classmates, movies and TV shows.

In actual fact, the advice you give yourself is the best advice you will ever receive. Only you know what is best for you.

For your birthday, I wish you an abundance of realised wisdom, which will carry you safely along the Magical Road of Life.

All of the best advice ever given to me has been of a spiritual nature. If your spirit is well, the material side of life falls into place all on its own, without too much assistance from you. Therefore ~

  • Keep clarity of mind; stay focussed on the things you know are right for you.
  • Show kindness to others; even a simple smile goes a long way. 🙂
  • Show kindness to yourself; love for others begins with love for you.
  • Have a healthy strength of will; don’t be swayed by peer pressure.
  • Follow your own intuition; listen to your inner voice, it won’t lead you astray.
  • Follow you own dreams, not the dreams that others have for you.
  • Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; there are lessons to be learned, even in adversity.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff; when you grow older, you realise that the hassles in life are really all small stuff.
  • Learn how to say no. Ultimately, you don’t do either yourself, or anyone else any favours by saying “yes” when you really mean “no”.
  • Be true to yourself; decide what is right for you and make no compromises.

“I hope your Birthday gently breezes into your life all of the choicest of things and all that your heart holds dear”.