Category: Changes

advice · basics · challenges · Changes · father · freedom · inspiration · Mum

What’s Behind the Fear of Parting with “Stuff”?

Joanne4 Comments

Yesterday I spoke about my thoughts on “Adopting the Minimalist Approach”, a subject which I feel quite strongly about for my own life, and although the concept is to “minimise” the material and emotional baggage in our lives, I have reached the conclusion that to minimise is, well, rather a complex subject.

Although we say we want to discard the unwanted material “stuff” in our homes, we don’t always actually take the action to do it…

What is it that we are so afraid of?

Let me tell you about the emotional tug o’ war I experienced myself, just this week, when sorting through the unused clothing hanging in my own wardrobe ~

Tucked away, right at the far end of the hanging rack, I had a long sleeved blouse, a gift from my mother; a short sleeved blouse, a gift from my father, and a knitted beige top, another gift from my father. When these items were newer, I wore them constantly. Each item, in its turn, had once been a much loved article of clothing.

Now, these clothes were yellowing, and smelled “musty”. Why? My mother has been gone nearly seventeen years, and my father, nearly twelve years!

“Who am I kidding”, I asked myself, “by hanging onto these clothes, will it bring my parents back??”

The truth of the matter is, if my parents were able, they would be the first to tell me to get rid of the clothes…and now I have.

What other excuses do we make to ourselves, you know, the self-talk moments we all have, when trying to justify why we can’t let go? ‘I might wear it/need it again one day’ or ‘I’ll fit into it again, when I lose weight’ or even ‘it’ll cost so much to replace it’.

I’m as guilty as the next person, I procrastinate when it comes time for the big clean out. But you know something? Once you start tossing that unwanted stuff into bags or boxes, momentum kicks in…The more you part with, the easier it gets!

Every time I get rid of more stuff, I feel liberated, and lighter. It’s like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I keep on going back to admire the clean, neat, tidy and emptier cupboards!

Getting rid of unwanted “stuff” fills me with a sense of achievement.

Another gigantic plus to owning less clothing is…a smaller ironing pile! More time away from the ironing board! Now, you can’t complain about that, can you? I’m not! 🙂

Every action we take should be motivated by the question of how this is going to improve our life.

With less clutter in our life ~ we can breathe more easily; it lifts the burden of the “excess weight” of material possessions.

When the clutter has been removed ~ it opens up the “space” around us, both physically and emotionally, making way for fresh, new, wonderful experiences to find us.

When the clothing is minimised ~ we spend less time deciding what to wear (and the ironing pile is smaller! 🙂 )

If you are planning on minimising the “stuff” that is blocking the flow of your life, I encourage you to ask yourself what it is that is holding you back from letting go. And be honest with yourself.

And if all else fails, think about how happy dogs are. All they ask for is food, shelter, love and a kind word. They don’t need any of the “stuff” we humans accumulate, but they are happy.

How about making yourself a little happier too? 🙂

basics · challenges · Changes

Adopting the Minimalist Approach…

Joanne7 Comments

Yesterday, I “accidentally” finished all of my ironing…yes, that’s right…

I don’t have an ironing pile climbing up the wall anymore!

It all began a couple of days ago. I felt cold. My fingers were so cold that I’m sure they might have snapped in half, if I were to try bending them. Doing some ironing would warm my fingers up very nicely.

To cut a long and boring story short, (yes, boring…ironing is boring, believe me), I enjoyed the warmth of the iron all day, although my over-exertion, in the interests of keeping warm, created yet another problem…I ran out of coat hangers.

To every problem, there is a solution, and the solution to this one made my heart sing. I discarded more unused clothing from my wardrobe!

The periodic analysis of my life over the past couple of years has made it clearly evident to me that a huge chunk of the middle of my life, to date, has been lived to other people’s standards rather than my own.

The reality of it is ~ I’m a “closet” minimalist.

Hot on the tail of yesterday’s post, “Flicking the Labels”, I am reluctant to label myself by announcing “I am a minimalist”. But yes, living a minimalistic life does appeal to me…it “feels” right for me.

Look at what I have hung on to over the years, not wishing to discard useful items, before they were past their “use-by date”…

  • My refrigerator worked perfectly, although it had rust marks covering the doors. I buckled and purchased a new fridge, after hearing that “old fridges never die”.
  • When my washing machine did die, after hearing the painful news that there was simply no hope of resurrection, I reluctantly purchased a new machine. Lifetime of the old washing machine ~ 1988 to 2009.
  • My children nicknamed my first mobile phone “The Dinosaur”. Another hurtful name they gave it was “The Brick”. I’m here to tell you that I became rather attached to that phone. I only owned it for about eight years and it didn’t miss a beat. Initially I had resisted owning one, but the Man of the House insisted I have a mobile, giving it to me as a gift…
  • Our TV set came into our family around the same time as the washing machine, in 1988. It has served us all very well over all of these years, and continues to do so.
  • When the fabric began to fade and fray on my old favourite lounge chair, I had it recovered…simple!
  • The first car I owned, a two door, stopped being functional after I had my first two children, so after nine years, I traded it in on a four door sedan. That car served me well for ten years and was traded in for a four wheel drive after the birth of my fourth child, as I needed a six seater car. Five years later, when my eldest son had his own car I couldn’t justify hanging on to a “gas guzzler” so traded it in on another four door sedan, which I have had for four years so far.

This list could go on; however I think you get the picture. I loathe the idea of discarding useful items. I refuse to get sucked in by all of the glitzy marketing of buying the “latest and greatest, you’ve simply got to have it” fashionable items.

Don’t the consumers realise it ~ everything goes out of fashion!

My discarding of useless items, especially clothing, is so liberating! The clothes I have hanging in my wardrobe now have air flowing around them; no longer are they all squashed up together to fit them all onto the hanging rail. The clothes I’m parting company with, I never wear anyway, and the charity shop will make good use of them. Not to mention the fact that I finished my ironing…and had enough coat hangers for everything…win/win!

Becoming a genuine minimalist would entail selling household furniture and appliances, only hanging onto the barest minimum. It would also involve downsizing my home and perhaps selling my car in favour of riding a bike, which would, in turn, create more problems…

1 ~ All of the furniture in my home is enjoyed and used every day.

2 ~ We actually need a home the size of ours, to accommodate our family.

3 ~ (Don’t laugh)…I don’t know how to ride a bike, never owned one. Besides which,

we live way too far from the town for it to be practical.

So where does that all leave me? This year especially, I have upgraded my desire to part company with all material item which are no longer of any use to me. I now purchase only the essentials in food and clothing, reverting back to my own old ways of growing food in the garden and making my own clothes.

Actually, “back to basics” is perhaps the more apt expression for how I prefer to live. Although you could also say I’m a minimalist…basically! 🙂

Let me know what you think about this topic. Are there any more “closet” minimalists out there?

advice · birthdays · challenges · Changes · daughter · happiness · knowledge

Happy Birthday…18 Year Old

Joanne8 Comments

One of my children will turn eighteen this year. Being born in the year 1992, by the time the day of her birthday arrives, the law of the land will pronounce she has permission to legally vote, purchase cigarettes, tobacco and lottery tickets, purchase and drink alcohol, enter clubs and bars, get married without parental permission and sign legal contracts.

To put it simply, at the age of seventeen years and three-hundred-and-sixty-four-days, she will be regarded as a dependent child. The very next day, she will have apparently made an overnight transformation into an adult.

Long gone are the days of “Coming of Age”, when the proud parents of the birthday boy or girl would ceremoniously present their “new adult” with the “Key to the Door” ~ when turning the age of twenty-one.

What exactly is the point of all of this grand-standing, pomp and ceremony, presented to the newly turned eighteen year old?

Did the magical fairy from “The Land of Eighteen” wave her magic wand over this child, whilst they slept, bestowing said child with all of the knowledge, wisdom and acumen they will need to carry them through this magical journey they are about to embark upon…called adulthood?

According to the law, the answer is yes…I, however, would beg to differ.

To all of my daughter’s friends, whether your birthday is today…tomorrow…this month…or this year, I wish you the absolute best of everything you could ever imagine, even in your wildest dreams, for the most magical life of your own creation…but don’t let any law fool you into believing your life begins today!

For your magical journey actually began eighteen years ago. And there is no final destination to this journey.

Did you realise that you were born with your very own in-built sense of knowledge, wisdom and adventure? Next time you meet a baby or a young child, look deeply into their eyes…there you will find the clarity and wisdom that us mere adults can only dream about!

The eyes are the window to the soul, and within a babies untainted eyes you will find all the wisdom of “knowing”.

You may not realise this, but you still have the very same natural wisdom you were born with, that same wisdom you see in the eyes of babies. But you may have forgotten that it was there all along.  You’ve probably just misplaced it somewhere, lost amongst the millions of words embedded inside your brain by family, friends, teachers, classmates, movies and TV shows.

In actual fact, the advice you give yourself is the best advice you will ever receive. Only you know what is best for you.

For your birthday, I wish you an abundance of realised wisdom, which will carry you safely along the Magical Road of Life.

All of the best advice ever given to me has been of a spiritual nature. If your spirit is well, the material side of life falls into place all on its own, without too much assistance from you. Therefore ~

  • Keep clarity of mind; stay focussed on the things you know are right for you.
  • Show kindness to others; even a simple smile goes a long way. 🙂
  • Show kindness to yourself; love for others begins with love for you.
  • Have a healthy strength of will; don’t be swayed by peer pressure.
  • Follow your own intuition; listen to your inner voice, it won’t lead you astray.
  • Follow you own dreams, not the dreams that others have for you.
  • Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; there are lessons to be learned, even in adversity.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff; when you grow older, you realise that the hassles in life are really all small stuff.
  • Learn how to say no. Ultimately, you don’t do either yourself, or anyone else any favours by saying “yes” when you really mean “no”.
  • Be true to yourself; decide what is right for you and make no compromises.

“I hope your Birthday gently breezes into your life all of the choicest of things and all that your heart holds dear”.

basics · Changes · gratitude · happiness · knowledge · music · nostalgia

Do You Remember…?

Joanne3 Comments

Now I’m really feeling nostalgic! I received an email from a very dear friend this morning. He and his wife live in England and we often forward amusing emails to each other after we receive them.

Following my post yesterday, “Recycle, Reuse and Repair”, which found me lamenting to the tune of “whatever happened to the good old days when broken items could be repaired?” this email now has me thinking even more about “whatever happened to the time when…?”

Take a walk along memory lane yourself! Here is the email I received, along with a few interjections from me. 🙂

The email begins ~

“Someone asked the other day, “What was your favourite ‘fast food’ when you were growing up?”

“We didn’t have ‘fast food’ when I was growing up,” I informed him. “All the food was slow”.

“C’mon, seriously, where did you eat?”

“It was a place called ‘home’,” I explained. “Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.”

(Once every blue moon, my Mum would buy me a treat of hot chips, wrapped up in newspaper. But they weren’t fast; I waited forever for them to cook!)

“By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.”

(I remember this very well; I had to ask, ‘please may I leave the table’, without interrupting any adult conversation!)

“But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I’d figured his system could handle it:

Some parents never owned their own homes, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.”

(Credit cards weren’t even invented! When you wanted to buy something, you saved up to pay for it!)

“My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only one speed, (slow).

We didn’t have a television in our house until I was ten. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off air at 10pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on air at about 6am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people…”

(Oh yes, I remember the black and white TV days; my kids think it’s hilarious that TV’s weren’t in colour!)

“I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.”

(We didn’t have a phone in the house at all!)

“Pizzas were not delivered to our home…but milk was.”

(I had my first taste of pizza at age seventeen…boy oh boy, did I ever lead a sheltered life!)

“All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers…my brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6am every morning.

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.”

(Those were the days!)

“If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?”

The email continues, asking do you remember the following ~

  • Bottles with holes punched into the lids, for sprinkling water onto clothes before ironing them, because we didn’t have steam irons. (My Mum had one!)
  • Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators. (Yes!)
  • Sweet cigarettes. (Thinking he’s talking about lollies, and yes, I remember them).
  • Coffee shops with juke boxes. (They had one in the café next to where I worked at age 16!)
  • Home milk delivery in glass bottles. (The magpies (birds) liked to peck the silver foil lids off them, and the bottles were recycled!)
  • Newsreels before the movie. (Hmmm…Can’t say as I do).
  • TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning (there were only two channels, if you were fortunate). (Oh yes, this I do remember!).
  • Peashooters. (They were a boy thing…I remember boys having them confiscated at school!)
  • 33rpm records. (Still have some!)
  • 45 rpm records. (Yep, still have some 45’s too!)
  • 78rpm records. (Yes! My parents had a few! Wonder whatever happened to them?)
  • Hi-fi. (My parents had one; lasted for years!)
  • Wash tub wringers. (Funny…Mum had one and always told me not to stand too close, in case my hair got caught in it!)

Yes, I know…now I’ve ‘dated’ myself something shocking, and you have probably done the same thing! But would you have it any other way? We lived in an age when the world was younger and much more innocent. Those days cannot, and will not, ever be replaced…and we were lucky enough to have lived them! 🙂

The technology in the world advanced suddenly and with such a great volume of speed that at times it left our heads in a spin. Our children missed out on our ‘good old days’.

I wonder what stories will be told by our own children, when they tell their grandchildren stories of their own ‘good old days”?  😉

challenges · Changes · daughter · freedom · gratitude

Miss Seventeen

Joanne12 Comments

Yesterday, I had a complaint about my website.

“How come you always say something about “Master Twelve”? What about me? Why don’t you ever talk about me?” bemoaned my youngest daughter, Miss Seventeen.

“You’re hardly ever at home these days”, I replied.

And it’s true. I see my youngest girl for fleeting moments, as she dashes home, to change clothes, leave her dirty washing, and then she’s off again.

What can I say about her? Remember Maria, the nun, in the movie “The Sound of Music”?  Maria’s personality reminds me so much of my daughter.

“How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!”

How, exactly, do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  For many years, I tried, and upon realising the futility of my trying, I stopped. Take it from me; if you should ever feel the urge to try ~ don’t bother. You simply cannot pin a cloud down.

All in the name of trying my hardest to be a responsible mother, in years gone by I have advised, cajoled, pleaded, demanded and coaxed this girl to become, well, something that perhaps she is not.  And did she ever listen? Not on your life!

“Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?”

It’s not really that she doesn’t want to listen, it’s just that she has so many other interesting places to go, fascinating people to meet, rivers to cross and mountains to climb!

Again, in the name of being a responsible mother, I set my daughter free. And oh my, the lessons she has learned…

Here I can talk about the wonderful human being that my beautiful daughter has become. She always has been a beautiful person, and by setting her free and allowing her the freedom to spread her wings, she has become more of what she already was.

This is the girl with the amazing smile and the sparkling eyes. She is approachable and friendly, to people of all ages. Easy to talk to, a problem solver and shoulder to cry on for her friends, her loyalty to them has no boundaries. Befriend her and return her loyalty and you have a friend for life. She’ll walk over hot coals for you. Stifle her, try to tell her what to do, or lie to her and she’ll drop you like a hot potato. Your name will be forgotten in an instant.

“When I’m with her I’m confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She’s as flighty as a feather
She’s a darling! She’s a demon! She’s a lamb!”

There are days when I convince myself that she has forgotten she even has a mother. Next thing, she’s arriving home with a “special treat” for us to share, perhaps a creamy cake, block of chocolate or marshmallow biscuits. While I make us both coffee, she sets up her treat for us on a pretty plate and off we go to my quiet room, where she tells me everything I always wanted to know (and didn’t want to know!) about what she’s been up to of late.

Without warning, her phone will ring, and my flibbertijibbet is off again, engrossed in yet another highly animated telephone conversation.

She trusts too easily and has fallen hard when a friend has let her down. And the school of hard knocks has taught her many lessons. She is stronger and more resilient and at times shows wisdom beyond her years. And it’s all due to my daughter living the life she has chosen ~ the no holds barred freedom of learning by making her own mistakes and wearing her heart on her sleeve.

“She’d out pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She’s a riddle! She’s a child!
She’s a headache! She’s an angel!
She’s a girl!”

This year my daughter is in her final year of school and on the back of her senior school jersey is the word “Angel”, and yes, she is an angel, and she is also my wild child. She is gentle, and a party animal, she enjoys quiet time to herself, but talks nonstop to anyone within hearing shot. She certainly is a riddle and never boring.

I have lost count of the number of boy’s hearts she has broken, and she has cried rivers and nursed her own broken heart, but only once. It takes a very special boy to win my daughter’s heart and it is no longer the fragile, delicate little heart it once was.

“Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?”

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? I don’t want to. My moonbeam has become far more bright and sparkly, since letting her out of my hand. And every once in a while, my moonbeam comes home to me and smiles her sparkly smile, and gives me her ever so special moonbeam hug, she sings her happy moonbeam song whilst dancing her crazy moonbeam dance.

And she makes my heart dance and sing, just as she has since the day she was born.

Footnote ~ As I write this, my free spirited girl is already two hours later home than she said she would be, (Mum, you know I don’t wear a watch!). In the morning she will have no end of trouble waking herself up to go to school, (you know I don’t do mornings, Mum) and when I try to coax her into eating breakfast, she won’t (you know I don’t like cereal, Mum!)

How, exactly, do you solve a problem like Maria?