Australia · autumn · Changes · gardening

April.

“April came along like a blessing, and if it were a fine April it was so beautiful that it was impossible not to feel different, not to feel stirred and touched.” ~ From “The Enchanted April”, by Elizabeth Von Arnim.

A Misty Morning.
A Misty Morning.

Without meaning to let it happen, the month of March has passed me by without my adding a single post. I checked back to March of last year ~ it was the same ~ post-less. I seem to have formed a habit.

This summer has been hotter than usual. I know I spend every summer muttering under my breath about my intolerance to hot weather, but this summer, I wasn’t the only one. It wasn’t just hot weather, it was humid. And sticky. And sweaty. And dry. Not pleasant at all.

The rain arrives!
The rain arrives!

Now, I think the months of extreme discomfort may finally be behind us for another few months. The rain finally arrived in such abundance that our nearby river was on flood warning one day last week. But that’s okay. We needed the rain. The ground needed the moisture. Even the weeds were dying from the heat, not a bad thing when you think about it, but I lost some of my plants too.

Tess's Garden.
Tess’s Garden.

Between showers of rain last week, I started gardening again. We are extending an existing garden, which I call “Tess’s Garden”. It’s where our beautiful dog Tess was laid to rest in January, and I have planted “her” Azalea on her grave. The garden isn’t finished yet, but when it is I will show you the finished area. In my mind’s eye, I see a beautiful and relaxing area and it is beginning to take shape, now we can venture out into the garden again.

The Moody Mountains.
The Moody Mountains.

Early morning is the most delightful time of day right now! The air is so cool on my bare arms, the mist swirls around the mountains in the valley and often it is thick in my garden too, before the sun rises and melts it away.

Petals Falling.
Petals Falling.

Frangipani’s must love this kind of weather. The branches are still covered with leaves, when usually by this time of year they are all but bare. The rain last week knocked many of the last of the flowers to the ground. It looks so pretty though, seeing the dainty flowers on the ground. Whilst many other plants in the garden give up in the extreme heat, the frangipani’s thrive.

Eastern Rosella.
Eastern Rosella.

Every afternoon for the last week I have had a visit from a pair of Eastern Rosella’s, right near the front door. They love the flowers of the Grevillea tree, an Australian native, but they are so timid and it has been a challenge to sneak outside the front door without disturbing them! After a few attempts I finally managed to make it to the veranda and take a few photos before they took fright and flew away. As you can see, they are incredibly colourful. I have plans to plant more natives in the garden. I love to see the birds they attract.

Thirsty Work.
Thirsty Work.

You know that I always have a helper in the garden too, right? Little Miss Tibbs loves the garden too and really appreciates the watering can being filled to the top!

If I’m not mistaken, this is the time of year when the whole world rejoices at the change in weather. Here, we are loving the cool air, whilst in the northern hemisphere everyone is heaving a collective sigh of relief as they watch the snow melting and the green buds beginning to grow on the trees.

All is well with the world as April begins. 🙂

Rain Drops.
Rain Drops.
A Sense of Spirit · authenticity · Changes · friends · gratitude

A week has passed….

Wednesday's Sunset.
Wednesday’s Sunset.

A week ago today was a very different day to this Saturday. I can’t say that it has been the easiest week I have ever lived through, but I have survived, albeit with a hole in my heart where by beautiful Tess once lived. I simply can’t bring myself to write about the day again. On Sunday last week I added a brief summary of events to my blipfoto journal ~

“And so a new day begins, without our beautiful girl and the house and garden seem so quiet and still….

Josh, a close friend going back to childhood days, of my son Ben, who is now a vet, came to our home and helped Tess to end her suffering. We took her to a place in the garden where she loved to sit, an area of lawn near to the pool, and she lay there quietly as if she knew what was to come.

Josh was a God-send with his gentle voice and manner. Tess’s acceptance of what was to be, and being there with my two sons and husband as Tess gently closed her eyes was a beautiful end to our dear fury girl’s life. Tess now joins our other fury friends, our three other dogs, Sire, Bear and Nellie and our cat, Sunny, in the pet graveyard, in the garden beside the pool.”

The next day, we bought an azalea, and this is what I wrote on blipfoto the following day ~

“The back garden is so big and empty today and the veranda, where Tess’s bed once lay with her on it are both gone. And my mind has gone to mush. Even as I dressed myself this morning, I thought, “the last time I wore these clothes, Tess was still with us”. I know, it’s pathetic, and I have sewing to do for children who start back at school next week. What will the children wear to school if I don’t pull my finger out and get sewing?

I know this mopey feeling will pass. It’s just all so new right now, not having her around…

Yesterday we went looking for a plant to mark her grave and found a very pretty Azalea. Her grave is in a shady area, not far from two frangipani trees, so it will be a very lovely area when the garden there is completed.”

Tess's Azalea.
Tess’s Azalea.

I wrote these two passages on the day that they happened and I still ache inside as I re-read the words I wrote. I simply cannot write new words, so I hope you will forgive me for taking the easy road and adding what was already written.

Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.
Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.

But life goes on….my grand-puppy Bella, a gentle and affectionate Border Collie, has spent some days with me this week. She is a beautiful companion and she has made me laugh so many times. Bella being here has shown me that their is life after Tess, that I can love again.

Already, I know who my next puppy will be and I know her name. I see her face in my mind’s eye. She will find me when the time is right, but that time is not now. I think she will find me in a few months time, after my still-raw wounds of the heart have been given some time to heal.

My word for 2014 is Authentic. I could pretend that I’m feeling just fine, but in keeping with my word, I can’t, I wont pretend. I know that we made the right decision to let Tess sleep, that she is now running around the big field in the sky with her friend Nellie and that we will meet again one day. But it still hurts to lose her. I need time.

I thought I was okay, but my eyes are welling with tears again as I type. I know this will pass, but obviously there are still a few more tears that need to escape my eyes. When I think of all the kind and comforting messages my blogging and blipfoto friends have left me during the last week, again my eyes fill with tears, but tears of a different kind. These tears are those of gratitude for the kindness shown to me by so many people, people who I have mostly never met in person, yet I have been enveloped by hugs of kindness through the internet waves.

Thank you, my friends. ❤

Rest well, my Tess. ❤

advice · challenges · Changes · freedom · inspiration

When Freedom Begins.

A quiet bay, my kind of beach. Note to Self ~ I must spend more time visiting the beach.
A quiet bay, my kind of beach. Note to Self ~ I must spend more time visiting the beach.

Some of the most memorable conversations I have are brief, and with total strangers.

During the past week I had a phone call from a woman who identified herself as Marina, from a magazine I have subscribed to for the last ten years.

“What a lovely name you have”, I told Marina, to which she exclaimed, “I’ve asked my mother what was she thinking, naming me after a place where boats were kept!” And so our conversation began.

You may remember last year, (when my sewing shelves were much tidier than they are now!) I received a brand new wooden sewing box in the mail, along with other goodies that I had ordered over the phone from this same magazine company. Well, it is that time of year again, when they tempt me, the sewing and craft lover, with no end of fabulous paraphernalia, in an effort to have me part company with some cash.

I have to tell you, this is cash that I am happy to part with! They offer tremendous deals and as their offerings are purchased sight-unseen, when the boxes arrive in the mail it is like opening up a whole array of exciting Christmas presents!

But back to Marina. When I spoke to her, her manner reminded me of that of my daughter Emma, honest, friendly and easy to talk to, and whilst very good at her job, she loves a chat with the customers too.

She told me that she wondered what I would be finding to make with all of my new fabrics and threads when they arrived and I assured her that I had plenty of craft magazines on hand to give me inspiration.

I went on to tell Marina that it was only within the last year that I had returned to my love of craft and sewing for fun, that my priority of being a mother for so many years had meant my own interests had taken a back seat.

“It’s so good to know that there will come a time when I will get my “me time” back again!” Marina said, as she explained that she found being a mother was both demanding and time-consuming.

Whilst I wouldn’t have changed my last twenty-eight years of living in the Land of Motherdom, I must admit to feeling relieved that my children are now almost all independent of my motherly care and their dependence on my time is diminishing.

My brief conversation with Marina reminded me of those days, so long ago yet they seem like only yesterday, when my children were young. I recalled their sweet young faces and innocent ways, noticing my feelings erring towards accepted nostalgia rather than sadness of a time long gone.

When Marina told me that she was looking forward to her freedom I advised her to enjoy the days with her young children rather than wishing her life away; she told me she’d try.

Occasionally I have thought of my conversation with Marina a few days ago and it has helped me to realise that I am contented with the place I have reached in my life. The days when I look into the mirror and wonder who that person with the older face is are diminishing. She has earned the lines on her face, the greying hair and the skin that is beginning to age and sag. These are the signs of a life well lived.

As my conversation with Marina drew to a close she gave me her direct phone number to contact her, should I have any questions at any time, she would be there most days until six in the evening, she said. What a long day that is, no wonder Marina had no free time to herself for her own enjoyment!

This morning I came across a quote which reminded me of Marina. I get the impression that she may be a fun and quirky woman, however short of time she may be feeling. It is also a reminder to myself, a reminder of what true freedom really is ~

“Freedom begins in the moment you allow yourself to be you; the you that is fun and silly, quirky and different, unique and splendid, funky and kooky.

Hide not the parts of you, the expression of which fills you with joy and rapture, beauty and contentment, humanity and aliveness. It is by revealing those aspects that you radiate to the world the shining light you are and that we all yearn to see. “ ~ Robert Beno.

I’ve reached a place in my life where I am far more comfortable with revealing the real me, albeit with wrinkles! 🙂

Australia · Changes · gardening · happiness · new beginnings

Allowing the Magic to Happen

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“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao Tzu.

???????????????????????????????The days have flowed naturally forward for me this past month, in fact they have flowed with so much ease that I am wondering where the last month has disappeared to. It’s not a complaint, but more of a learning process than anything. I’m actually having difficulty in finding the words here to describe how I feel.

???????????????????????????????Resistance is subsiding. I would love to be able to declare that resistance has disappeared from my life completely, but there are still occasions when I will bristle slightly, catch myself and tell myself all is well. I have learnt how to calm any adverse feelings very quickly.

???????????????????????????????I’ll be the first to admit that the recent anesthetic I had for a small hospital procedure has played its part. For two weeks I floated through each day with my feelings wrapped in cotton wool. Without the thought stresses of everyday living my household chores were completed with ease, a raised voice didn’t bring any feelings of tension, so my world just wafted along on the late winter breezes.

???????????????????????????????In realising that my anxieties over any given situation would neither make nor break the outcome I could see the benefit in letting go, giving up resistance, staying calm, letting what will be ~ be. I would even go as far as saying that my calmness may have even neutralised situations where other family members were involved.

???????????????????????????????During my time of still being under the peaceful spell of an anesthetic I made the choice to continue this gentle life after the chemical cushioning had left me, to allow the magic of life to just happen.

???????????????????????????????Situations are what they are, people do not change unless they choose to do so themselves, the world continues to spin, night becomes day and day becomes night again. The sun continues to rise, the tides ebb and flow. Birds build their nests and look out for juicy worms to catch. A baby is born, someone loses a loved one. And these events will continue, day after day, whether I am stressing, or not.

???????????????????????????????This must be why there are people who become hooked on drugs or alcohol, I contemplate. When the cushioning is felt, it’s a feeling you want to have stay around forever. How sad it is though, when the addicts don’t realise that chemical substances will wear off, needing to be replaced time and time again. I wish for those people that they eventually can find the magic within themselves, without the chemicals.

???????????????????????????????Life experience has brought me to the place where I’m now at. The difficulties of life are our greatest teachers. If you have read my last two posts, you will know what I’m talking about, how resistance can take us to an unhappy place. Talking, honestly, the kind of talk in which we wear our heart on our sleeve to our loved ones is a great remedy.

???????????????????????????????Imaging the worst case scenario, which I did before my bliss-giving anesthetic, only to learn that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place was a real eye opener for me. Worry didn’t change the reality of the situation, but worry may, and probably would have, caused a major health issue. Who needs that?

???????????????????????????????We will always experience human feelings so long as we are alive. Joy, pain, happiness, sadness, we want to feel emotions, but what is worry, is it even a real emotion? I know it can be destructive, so I am working towards banishing it from my life completely. I hope you can do the same. Show worry, resistance and stress out the door; flow with the tides of life, accept and enjoy what is.

???????????????????????????????These beautiful kookaburras who came to my garden when we were digging around in the earth, waiting patiently for a worm or some other grub to show itself for them to swoop down and enjoy for their dinner don’t seem to have a care in the world. We have so much to learn from animals and birds. They stay calm, remain patient, don’t complain about the sun or the rain, cold or heat, and they don’t hold any grudges against that dratted bird next to them who catches the worm before they do!

???????????????????????????????We have the choice, we can choose to put our busy minds into neutral and allow the magic to happen. It takes practise, but it can be done. How cool is that? 🙂

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Changes · dad · father · inspiration · new beginnings

Prattlings of a blogger out of hibernation.

Hello!
Hello!

How fast the last seven weeks have flown by. Seven weeks, since I last added a post here at Home Life!

My regular routine kicked in toward the end of last year, which is being overly busy around the end of the year and the beginning of the new year, with work. I should be used to it by now, I’ve been working the same way for the last twenty-seven years.

The weather is turning cooler at night, bringing beautiful folds of mist to the valley in the mornings.
The weather is turning cooler at night, bringing beautiful folds of mist to the valley in the mornings.

Twenty-seven years! I can hardly believe that I’ve done the same work, year in, year out, for that amount of time.

Making school uniforms from home has had its benefits throughout those years. It helps that I love to sew, the business has grown (or shrunk!) depending on the stage my life has been at, at various times. It has been a portable business too. I began the business when living in Sydney and it moved north with me twenty-one years ago and continued to flourish. And you know what the best part of my business has been? I have been at home for my children, during their growing years.

My children are all grown up now though, all except for Adam, but he is a teenager and will be finished school by the end of next year. And being a boy, he isn’t demanding either!

Miss Tibbs is always contented, so long as she has food and a warm place to snuggle.
Miss Tibbs is always contented, so long as she has food and a warm place to snuggle.

I’ve been thinking about me lately, about what I want to do myself, where I want to be, the work I want to do. I think the time has come for change.

During the last couple of weeks I’ve caught up on life, you know, cleaning the house, tidying a few things up, getting through some paperwork and sorting through my desk. Doing the things I don’t have time to do when I’m making uniforms for schools.

This week I began catching up with some of my blogging friends. I haven’t caught up with everyone yet, but I will. And I’ve written, lots.

Little Butcher Bird, waiting for his breakfast.
Little Butcher Bird, waiting for his breakfast.

On my family history blog, I’ve added a story of some old postcards, from Whitley Bay. Next, I’m looking forward to writing about my grandfather. I’m really loving the way this blog is progressing, albeit slowly! All of the posts I write seem to come together so effortlessly and I really love the look of the website. It’s very personal to me, like my baby, and a site which I am hoping that future generations will also appreciate in time.

It’s been nearly a year since I wrote for “A Sense of Spirit”, but I finally did so yesterday. I have so many ideas of stories to add there, yet when I do begin to write them, sometimes the words don’t come easy. Yesterday’s post, however, simply bubbled onto the page! When I feel what I am writing, deep in my heart, the words flow so easily. On the downside, the writing can leave me emotionally exhausted! I must attempt to at least write one post a week there though.

Tibouchinas flower spring and autumn. They are now covered in beautiful autumn purpleness.
Tibouchinas flower spring and autumn. They are now covered in beautiful autumn purple-ness.

In “Memoirs of my Life” I remembered my dad’s birthday. He would have turned ninety-three last weekend, if he were still here. I added a photo on the post of the two of us, hand in hand, taken only about a month after we lost my mum. Dad was so sad at that time and seemed to never smile, so unusual for him as he was such a happy man. I love the photo though.

This week, I have even written a few poems, something that I used to do years ago, yet haven’t even attempted in the longest time. Surprisingly the words seemed to flow easily and I even started up a brand new baby blog to add them to. (I’m not promoting that blog here, by the way!) An awful lot of poets have already discovered the new blog, adding “likes” to some of my poems. I feel rather wary of some of the poetry I have read by some of these people though, as I have read what I would describe as some really “dark” words! Poems that include glass to cut with, and rivers of blood. Eeeeekk! Perhaps I live a very sheltered life, but I prefer to read poetry with meaning, or at the very least, uplifting! Having said that, some of the poems I have read have really made me smile; a good thing!

Palm trees, wighed down with bunches of palm seeds, looking stunning against the mist.
Palm trees, weighed down with bunches of palm seeds, looking stunning against the mist.

So, while I have been writing, and contemplating change, I have decided that I will see if I can find a buyer for my little business. I would hate to just leave my customers high and dry, with no supplier of their school shirts. Besides, I have more sewing machines than I need, if I stop with this business. There is someone out there who is looking for just what I have to sell, so when they find me, and I find them, we will both be happy!

When I think of selling my business, I feel so liberated! Time for me, to keep up-to-date with my life, all year round! Time to take more walks, to take more photos, to start up something new, something that fits my life more comfortably, work-wise!

My lovely friend, Larry the Kookaburra, is still frequenting my garden restaurant.
My lovely friend, Larry the Kookaburra, is still frequenting my garden restaurant.

Having spent so much time in “blogging hibernation”, I have prattled on a bit today! I’ve added a few photos to break up my ramblings a bit, with no particular theme, just photos taken recently that I like.

It’s good to be back and I sincerely hope that this time I’m back, I won’t be disappearing for weeks on end, ever again. 🙂