Tag: A Sense of Spirit

A Sense of Spirit · authenticity · gardening · gratitude · photography · remembering · spirituality

My Year in Review, Through Authentic Eyes.

Joanne14 Comments
???????????????????????????????
A continuing joy to my every day is the visit from my feathered friends.

Deja vu closely followed the thought, “It doesn’t seem that long ago since I last decorated the house for Christmas”. I thought the exactly same thing, whilst decorating the house during December 2013. Where has the year gone?

???????????????????????????????
In May, this tree flowered profusely, to the delight of both myself, and the Rainbow Lorikeets.

 

And now, it’s the last day of 2014, and as I ponder whether 2014 has been either a good year or bad, I realise that, for me, it has been a year of learning. Everything has happened for a reason. And I haven’t resisted the changes that have occurred, realising that I am in the right place, at the right time, and everything happens just as it should, when it is ready to happen. The way it is meant to be.

???????????????????????????????
I love taking photos in the rain, the moody light adds so much warmth to the photos.

 

I re-read my first post of this year, remembering, as I have continually remembered throughout 2014, my chosen word for this year ~ “Authentic”.

I have planted a lot of old-fashioned hydrangeas in the garden this year.
I have planted a lot of old-fashioned hydrangeas in the garden this year.

We are old friends now, this word and I. At the beginning of the year, I felt their presence constantly. We had to get to know each other; we were virtual strangers, passing each other throughout my life thus far like ships in the night.

Cockatoos visited my garden on the morning of my birthday in May, when my dear friend, Keith, was visiting Australia and staying with me and my family for a few days.
Cockatoos visited my garden on the morning of my birthday in May, when my dear friend, Keith, was visiting Australia and staying with me and my family for a few days.

Oh how I had wished to jump on board that ship! My authentically beautiful friend must have known the feelings and longings of my heart, as this year, they did not give up on the hopeless cause of this mere human, filled with faults and uncertainties. No, this year, when the ship of authenticity drew up beside me, and threw out a life-boat, with just a molecule of trepidation, I dragged myself into the calming warmth of their being. And how quickly we noticed the way we could co-exist, half way between my physical life and the true soul of my inner being.

I have decided that Allamandas are the single most photogenic flowers in my garden.
I have decided that Allamandas are the single most photogenic flowers in my garden.

In contemplating a new word for 2015, I feel myself continually pulled toward my Authentic self, not wishing to leave this relatively new friend behind, as I venture into another year on earth. And whilst I know that my Authenticity will continue into tomorrow, and all the other tomorrow’s that in my life I will enjoy, next year will see a progression of my new-found contentment. What that word will be, as yet, I do not know. My word is still searching for me. Authenticity is screening every word that crosses my path, so when my word arrives, I can feel assured that the right extension of this year has found me.

When I added a hanging basket to the back veranda, a Noisy Minor thought the basket insert would be just the thing to add comfort to her nest.
When I added a hanging basket to the back veranda, a Noisy Minor thought the basket insert would be just the thing to add comfort to her nest.

As I cast my mind back over this year, the day before it changes its status to “last year”, my first thoughts are of Tess. Her gentle canine soul has warmed my heart during so many moments this year. I still feel the sting of tears when I remember her physical presence is gone, even though my Black Velvet girl sits beside me as I remember her love and loyalty.

My Begonia sits in a pot on the front veranda, and amazes me every year, as I watch the brown soil shoot new green growth into the world!
My Begonia sits in a pot on the front veranda, and amazes me every year, as I watch the brown soil shoot new green growth into the world…and further, produce the most brilliant flowers!

I know with every ounce of love in my heart that when my next fury friend is ready to find me, she will. But she isn’t ready to come to me yet, and I believe there is a reason why this is so. This year, in September, my son Adam brought home his girl, Forrest, and whilst I love this baby girl dearly, I know she is not for me. She is a loan-puppy, just the same as Porter and Bella, who moved back home with their “parents” in August. They will be leaving again when their new home is built, and the “family of five”, which includes the gorgeous Sammy cat, will settle into their own little spot of Paradise.

Tess has her own garden now, in a shady area beside the pool. I planted a Fushsia in Tess's Garden a few months ago, hoping it would be happy there, and as you can see, it is.
Tess has her own garden now, in a shady area beside the pool. I planted a Fuchsia in Tess’s Garden a few months ago, hoping it would be happy there, and as you can see, it is.

A part of my Authentic year has kept me away from blogging. My Muse completely disappeared for a while there, although for the first time, I have consistently kept a daily diary, the old-fashioned, hand-written kind, recording events of the day, both mundane and significant. A personal record of my year, which I will continue into 2015.

Father & Son ~ The mottled Magpie is one of three baby birds I had the pleasure of hand feeding during this year.
Father & Son ~ The mottled Magpie is one of three baby birds I had the pleasure of hand feeding during this year.

My Muse has pulled up the most comfortable chair right now, and is making themselves feel right at home on my right shoulder, (Tess is to my left,) sharing the words and feelings that have often escaped me during this year. Will they remain? Will 2015 be The Year of The Muse? Only time will tell.

During May, I helped my son, Ben, renovate his investment unit. The Tweed River runs behind the block of units where I found a peaceful and welcome oasis from the chores.
During May, I helped my son, Ben, renovate his investment unit. The Tweed River runs behind the block of units where I found a peaceful and welcome oasis from the chores.

Dear friends, as I feel my way into a New Year, I will share a small verse that I discovered the other day. The words struck a chord of love for me, as in spending the last year being true to myself, my feelings, my thoughts and desires, I have also learned to accept the flaws in myself, as well as in others. Mostly in others. Authenticity has invited acceptance into my world, acceptance of both people and events. Furthermore, a knowing that I create my own happiness, my own contentment, my own world. And so do you.

Another new plant in Tess's Garden, a sweetly fragranced Gardenia.
Another new plant in Tess’s Garden, a sweetly fragranced Gardenia.

This is ME….
I am not perfect
I live on the planet Earth where humans live
Humans are not perfect
Never have been, Never will be
So I don’t always wear the right clothes
I don’t always use the right shoes
My memory sometimes fails me
I don’t look like a fashion model
I don’t cook like a French chef
I don’t always do what people expect of me
I am human, I am IMPERFECT
But there is no one else like me in this whole wide world
I am unique, I am a MIRACLE
I am what I am
Nothing more, Nothing less
So therefore; Love me for what I am
Not for what you want me to be!
~Yvve Berglund~

Our pets live their lives true to Authenticity ~ we can learn so much from them, and they accept us, just as we are. :)
Our pets live their lives true to Authenticity ~ we can learn so much from them, including acceptance. 🙂

 

 

A Sense of Spirit · birthdays · blessings · Mum · sisters

Pennies From Heaven

Joanne14 Comments

???????????????????????????????

“I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground.
But it’s not just a penny,
this little coin I’ve found.
Found pennies come from heaven,
that’s what my Grandpa told me,
He said angels toss them down
Oh, how I love that story!”

~ Author Unknown.

The # 1 hit song in February 1964 in both Australia and the USA was “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles, and in the UK, “Needles and Pins” by The Searchers. And just by coincidence, the 10th of February, 1964, was also a Monday.

“Monday’s child is fair of face”, or so the old rhyme goes, and to me, the baby in the photo above, taken in 1964, and born on this day 50 years ago, has always been fair of face. And he holds a very special place in my heart.

I don’t remember the day he was born, I was too young, and try as I have over the years, all I can remember about this time in my life was my mother telling me that we “have to save our pennies for the new baby”, so I did. And one day when I was shopping in Penrith with my mum, as she stood at the counter in the delicatessen placing her order, I spotted a big jar of pennies, high above me on the counter. “So this is where we buy the baby when we’ve saved enough pennies!” my young mind thought.

I last spoke to him at Christmas time when he phoned. “It’s your cousin Jeff!” he told me…..”No, It’s my nephew Jeff!” I corrected him. “Oh whatever, I’m pi**ed!” he told me. A bit too much “Christmas” perhaps, and knowing my nephew, no doubt he will enjoy a bit too much “birthday” today as well, being the fun-loving man he is.

Today he turns 50. Today it is 50 years ago that I became an auntie for the first time. Today, he is on a cruise somewhere around the Pacific Islands with his wife, celebrating.

Holding her young baby boy in the photo is my eldest sister, Annette. She’s been gone now for six years and Jeff’s grandma for 20 years, but they both loved him dearly. Maybe today, they will send him some “pennies from heaven”, as their way of letting him know they are thinking of him, as I know they will be.

Happy 50th Birthday to my dear nephew Jeffrey, the cheeky baby boy that my mum called “A Little Buggeroo!”, the young man who became one of my sister’s closest friends and the son she always knew she could rely on.

And to me, he’s the baby boy who cost us lots and lots of pennies, but was worth every one of them; my childhood playmate; the young teenager who followed me around and tried to “copy” the clothes I wore (luckily, as a teenager I wore jeans and t-shirts a lot, he would have looked hilarious in a dress!); the serious young man on his wedding day; the cousin who my children remember as the “fun” cousin when they were growing up; the son who misses his mum every day; the grown man who still loves his family; the nephew who gives the best bear-hugs.

Jeffrey ~ A Blessing. x

A Sense of Spirit · authenticity · Changes · friends · gratitude

A week has passed….

Joanne9 Comments
Wednesday's Sunset.
Wednesday’s Sunset.

A week ago today was a very different day to this Saturday. I can’t say that it has been the easiest week I have ever lived through, but I have survived, albeit with a hole in my heart where by beautiful Tess once lived. I simply can’t bring myself to write about the day again. On Sunday last week I added a brief summary of events to my blipfoto journal ~

“And so a new day begins, without our beautiful girl and the house and garden seem so quiet and still….

Josh, a close friend going back to childhood days, of my son Ben, who is now a vet, came to our home and helped Tess to end her suffering. We took her to a place in the garden where she loved to sit, an area of lawn near to the pool, and she lay there quietly as if she knew what was to come.

Josh was a God-send with his gentle voice and manner. Tess’s acceptance of what was to be, and being there with my two sons and husband as Tess gently closed her eyes was a beautiful end to our dear fury girl’s life. Tess now joins our other fury friends, our three other dogs, Sire, Bear and Nellie and our cat, Sunny, in the pet graveyard, in the garden beside the pool.”

The next day, we bought an azalea, and this is what I wrote on blipfoto the following day ~

“The back garden is so big and empty today and the veranda, where Tess’s bed once lay with her on it are both gone. And my mind has gone to mush. Even as I dressed myself this morning, I thought, “the last time I wore these clothes, Tess was still with us”. I know, it’s pathetic, and I have sewing to do for children who start back at school next week. What will the children wear to school if I don’t pull my finger out and get sewing?

I know this mopey feeling will pass. It’s just all so new right now, not having her around…

Yesterday we went looking for a plant to mark her grave and found a very pretty Azalea. Her grave is in a shady area, not far from two frangipani trees, so it will be a very lovely area when the garden there is completed.”

Tess's Azalea.
Tess’s Azalea.

I wrote these two passages on the day that they happened and I still ache inside as I re-read the words I wrote. I simply cannot write new words, so I hope you will forgive me for taking the easy road and adding what was already written.

Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.
Sweet Grand-Puppy, Bella.

But life goes on….my grand-puppy Bella, a gentle and affectionate Border Collie, has spent some days with me this week. She is a beautiful companion and she has made me laugh so many times. Bella being here has shown me that their is life after Tess, that I can love again.

Already, I know who my next puppy will be and I know her name. I see her face in my mind’s eye. She will find me when the time is right, but that time is not now. I think she will find me in a few months time, after my still-raw wounds of the heart have been given some time to heal.

My word for 2014 is Authentic. I could pretend that I’m feeling just fine, but in keeping with my word, I can’t, I wont pretend. I know that we made the right decision to let Tess sleep, that she is now running around the big field in the sky with her friend Nellie and that we will meet again one day. But it still hurts to lose her. I need time.

I thought I was okay, but my eyes are welling with tears again as I type. I know this will pass, but obviously there are still a few more tears that need to escape my eyes. When I think of all the kind and comforting messages my blogging and blipfoto friends have left me during the last week, again my eyes fill with tears, but tears of a different kind. These tears are those of gratitude for the kindness shown to me by so many people, people who I have mostly never met in person, yet I have been enveloped by hugs of kindness through the internet waves.

Thank you, my friends. ❤

Rest well, my Tess. ❤

A Sense of Spirit · birthdays · gardening · Mum · sisters

My Sister’s Garden

Joanne8 Comments
A Rose for Mum.
Flowers for Mum.

On the morning of Monday, the 30th of August, 1993, I dropped my son off at school, saw my daughter into her pre school-class and with my nine month old baby I visited my mother for the last time. Mum had lapsed into a coma on the Saturday afternoon so we knew the end was near. Up to that particular morning, before leaving my mother’s bedside I could only say to her “see you later”. The thought of never seeing her again terrified me. On this day, twenty years ago today, before leaving her room I noticed a pulse beating in her neck, she was still alive. Then I said the words I had feared ~ “Goodbye Mum”, yet the words came easily; it was time for me to let her go. Later I was told that a nurse saw me leave the room. She went in to check on my mum ~ she had gone.

Today, as I think of my mother, the angel and guide of my life for the past twenty years, I would love to take you all for a walk with me around the beautiful garden of another very important woman in my life, one who also lost a part of her own soul twenty years ago today, my sister, Vivien.

Azaleas
Azaleas

“Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . . ” ~ Memory from the Musical “Cats”, one of Mum’s favourite songs.

Cows across the road from Vivi's home. Such a beautiful view from her front door.
Cows across the road from Vivi’s home, grazing by the river. Such a beautiful view from her front door.

Having three sisters, all of whom were substantially older than me, may have robbed me of the fun times as a child of having sister’s for playmates, but the blessing it gave me was the joy of having three extra “mothers”.

Take a seat....
Take a seat….

Vivi is my closest sister in age, she is twelve years older than me, and it was Vivi who mothered me the most throughout the years when I was growing up. We even went through a stage when she spent a considerable amount of time yelling at me, as I rebelled against her when I was a teenager! Now that’s real love…. 🙂

....we can read a story together.
….we can read a story together.

My own children adore their auntie. My youngest son Adam said to me recently “there’s nothing to not like about Auntie Vivi”, and I totally agree with him, she’s just wonderful.

A very pretty bird, one which I don't see at my place.
A very pretty bird, one which I don’t see at my place.

If my sister lived closer I would definitely see her more often. Vivi lives six hours drive south of me, so when Adam and I took our trip down south in late June I planned it so that we would be at Vivi’s place to help her celebrate her birthday this year.

This is a bird that stays put in Vivi's garden.
This is a bird that stays put in Vivi’s garden.

One of Vivi’s sons, his wife and two children came around for dinner. Vivi had asked for take-away Chinese food, which she doesn’t have very often, for her birthday meal so she wouldn’t have to cook on her birthday, so that’s what we had.

Keeping an eye on the time.
Keeping an eye on the time.

Vivi is a fantastic cook and can throw together a delicious meal in no time at all! As a child I loved sleep-overs at Vivi’s home as her meals were yummy, her beds were always soft and comfy and we did fun things together, like cooking and going shopping.

The Zen Garden.
The Zen Garden.

During another visit to my sister’s home just over two years ago, her grandson told me about all the fun things he and his grandma do together when he visits her. It was like deja vu for me to hear him speak. “I used to do those things with your grandma when I was a little girl too!” I told him. I’m not sure that he could quite grasp the concept of the age difference between me and Vivi though, and why I was a child when she was an adult!

Every garden needs at least one bird bath.
Every garden needs at least one bird bath.

The day I took these photos it was raining although the dampness did not put a dampener on the calm atmosphere in the garden, if anything the duller natural light and the raindrops created an even more ambient atmosphere. I can imagine how beautiful it must be on a sunny day. These photos were taken on a wet, midwinter’s day.

Vivi isn't a huge cat lover, so instead of Puss in Boots" she has "Frogs in Boots".
Vivi isn’t a huge cat lover, so instead of “Puss in Boots” she has “Frogs in Boots”.

I am definitely pleased with the photos I took that day and I just love the whimsical ornaments Vivi has in her garden. Vivi and her husband have lived in this home for around nineteen years now, the same length of time I have lived in my home, but I remember her previous home in the Blue Mountains which had a full-sized wishing well in the front garden. It was magical.

No chance of this slow moving guy getting too far away!
No chance of this slow moving guy getting too far away!

Our mum loved her garden and preferred large, brightly coloured flowers to the dainty, paler variety. Anything unusual caught her eye and she was very fond of cactus plants and succulents. One of her favourite plants was her Zygocactus and I was thrilled to see Vivi had one in a hanging basket in her garden. They are not a particular favourite of mine, although I think I should get one. They bring back wonderful memories of the excitement my mum showed when her Zygocactus flowered.

One of Mum's favourite plants, Zygocactus.
One of Mum’s favourite plants, Zygocactus. And the bird in the small cage is an ornament!

Vivi loves frogs! She has quite a few in her home and around her garden, ornaments that is. I made her a cross stitch of three frogs in lily pads a few years ago. It took me ages to finish but it was well worth the effort as it looked fantastic when finished and framed.

Frog art in Vivi's garden.
Frog art in Vivi’s garden.

Before the night of Vivi’s birthday was over, Vivi’s grand-daughter asked if we would like a photo taken together. Jess is a lovely girl, and at age nineteen she speaks with Vivi as if she were her friend and not her grandmother. Vivi’s eldest son and family couldn’t make it for her birthday, he has three children, two sons and a gorgeous little daughter. I hope someday I have the same close bond with my grandchildren.

Me and my big sister Vivi.
Me and my big sister Vivi.

Mum wasn’t overly fussed on the colour pink, she preferred yellow, but I’m still going to show you Vivi’s pretty pink Azaleas, and I will leave you with another verse of “Memories” from Cats, a song that my mum loved. I know she remembers, I know she loves us, I feel her with us; it seems like only yesterday I heard her laughter, felt her hands, combed her hair. How can it possibly be twenty years…..

Raindrops on the pink Azaleas.
Raindrops on the pink Azaleas.

“Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again…..”

I love you for Eternity Mum. xxxxxx

A Sense of Spirit · blessings · challenges · friends · new beginnings

A Different Light.

Joanne16 Comments
In my herb garden, the dainty Dill flowers are looking simply beautiful.
In my herb garden, the dainty Dill flowers are looking simply beautiful.

I have something in common with my Dill plant. Hindsight is pointing out to me that I have been a bit of a “dill” recently.

Today, I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, and all it took to remove that weight was a morning spent in the hospital.

I have had a health issue for a few months now and my doctor sent me for a pelvic ultra sound. The results came back, which he somberly told me “showed some abnormalities”. What I didn’t tell my doctor, for fear of an over-reaction on his part, which would have sent me into a blinding spin of fear, was that my grandmother had died of a disease which I had the symptoms of.

Was this disease hereditary? I didn’t know. But you hear so many stories in the news of families who are pre-disposed to a certain illness. Was this one of them? I also knew that my symptoms may be nothing too serious at all. But in my state of panic, I managed to pre-empt the worst case scenario.

A visit to my one time obstetrician, these days gynecologist, abated my fears. No, although there may be a slight and very distant link to my symptoms as a hereditary disease, I was not a high risk case, having not one single “yes” to any known risk factor. I felt reassured.

So yesterday morning at 6 am, off I went to the hospital, to undergo a procedure which would fix my problem, amid a massive dose of nerves, fear, terror, dry mouth, racing heart, you name the “worry” symptom, I had it. By 1 pm, I was back at home again, slightly groggy, still very dry of mouth and starving hungry.

This morning I had a phone call from my gynecologists nurse, enquiring how I was feeling after my night at home. I assured her that I am feeling great, which I am, then I managed to muster up the courage to ask her if she knew how my procedure had gone. Her words were music to my ears, “Doctor has noted that everything went through without any problems and he has no concerns”.

Yes!!!!

See now why I think I may have been a bit of a dill? I’m such a healthy person, I rarely even come down with a cold these days, yet when something health-wise does go amiss I tend to always imagine the worst thing possible is wrong with me. I also hibernate.

Two weeks can change everything, I have discovered. In my last post, I had to get something out in the open. I realised that holding “bad stuff” inside of me was eating away at me, affecting my health and my state of mind. I hate to burden people with my worries and fears, or any adverse emotion for that matter, yet I had reached the stage where I couldn’t carry the burden alone any longer. I had to open up, and the response I got from you all was amazing! All of your comments brought tears to my eyes, I felt the caring in your words, and oh my, you have no idea how wonderful it made me feel! Thank you, one and all, for caring. I hadn’t really expected anyone to comment at all, as it was such a down-toned post, I just needed to get my worries out into The Universe . You were all so fantastic in your support; thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sharing my worries with you all also gave me the courage to speak with my family about my wish to live elsewhere, especially with my husband. I told him that I have to be what he would no doubt regard as me being selfish, as I am causing myself to have health issues through my dissatisfaction with my life. I only have myself to blame. My restlessness ended up manifesting itself within my body, forming into something which only a hospital procedure could rectify.

I believe that we are all responsible for our own thoughts, our own health, our own actions. We cannot hold another person responsible for our problems. When we are faced with an issue which we regard as something adverse, we have choices in how we cope with the problem. I know these things in my own mind and believe them with all my heart. It’s just that being a human being can get in the way sometimes, we can veer off track and mess things up. Yet we know we can do better.

That is how I’ve felt lately. Trying to cope with issues alone, trying not to burden my family, trying to carry my problem around by myself and work things out all by myself, so as not to worry my family with anything. I’ve been messing up, monumentally, in a very human way.

I should never have feared, my family were there for me, I felt their love and support. As one of my daughters has told me recently, as a child, she was the dependant one, coming to me with her problems. Now she is an adult, the tables can turn sometimes, I can go to her with my problems, and she can help me, she’s an adult now. Isn’t that sweet?

We are coming up with ideas, left, right and centre, about how we can have the best of both worlds, by keeping our home here, which I absolutely love, and my children never want to see leave our family, and having another home, where I can spend some of the year, in the place of my heart, the Blue Mountains. With compromise, planning and time, we are aiming to have it all.

I read a passage this morning, written by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, which really spoke to me. It is so easy to become buried amid the humdrum of day to day life and lose focus of the big picture. It’s a matter of learning to focus on both aspects of one’s life. I’d like to share his words with you here ~

“One of the huge imbalances in life is the disparity between your daily existence, with its routines and habits, and the dream you have within yourself of some extraordinarily satisfying way of living. Buried within you is an unlimited capacity for creation that’s anxious to plant seedlings to fulfill your dreams and your destiny. The absence of balance between dreams and daily routine can reveal itself in symptoms of depression, illness, or anxiety—but it’s more often something that feels like an unwelcome companion by your side, which continually whispers to you that you’re ignoring something. You sense that there’s a higher agenda; your way of life and your reason for life are out of balance. Until you pay attention, this subtle visitor will continue to prod you to regain your equilibrium.
When you live your life going through the motions, it may seem to be convenient, but the weight of your dissatisfaction creates a huge imbalance in the only life you have now. It shows up when you’re sound asleep and your dreams are filled with reminders of what you’d love to be, but you wake and return to pursuing your safe routine. Allow yourself to think about this “fire from heaven.” What are your dreams and how can you shift your thinking habits to match your dreams? Commit to thinking about what you want, rather than how impossible or difficult that dream may seem. Give your personal dreams a place to hang out so that you can see them in your imagination and they can soak up the energy they deserve. Thoughts are mental energy; they’re the currency that you have to attract what you desire. Learn to stop spending that currency on thoughts you don’t want. Your body might continue, for a while, to stay where it’s been trained to be, but meanwhile, your thoughts are being aligned with your dreams. Align your inner creative energy—your thoughts—so that they match up perfectly with your desires. Dream and you shall become.” ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

I am dreaming, and this time I am sharing my dreams. Without anyone else losing their dreams, I can have mine. Oh how I do love compromise!

Next time I write I will be back to my usual self, with photos, happiness, joy and well being. Thank you for being my blogging friends. And please, if any of you have a dream, go for it!

“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. Time will pass anyway.” ~ Earl Nightingale.