Tag: friends

advice · daughter · friends

Friendships ~ Knowing When to Stay and When to Go

Joanne1 Comment

The world is made up of all kinds of people; different races, cultures, males and females, but we are all born the same….aren’t we?

Perhaps not.

Take the subject of friendships, for example.

What is the definition of a good friend?

Caring, trustworthy, truthful,  loyal….

Take loyalty, for example.

How should we define loyalty?

Can a friend not display enough loyalty?

Can there ever be too much loyalty in a friendship?

Personally, I was born loyal. I do not believe anyone ever sat me down and told me, “Jo, you must be loyal to prove you are a good friend”.

Over the years I have become aware that there are those who could, in fact, benefit from an explanation of loyalty in a friendship….they have none.

So, what type of a friend is a disloyal friend?

Where do you draw the invisible line between the right amount of loyalty, and too much loyalty?

In other words ~ When is the right time to stand by your friends and when do you know when the time has come to move on?

Those who have known me well throughout my life regard me as loyal and I have been proud to wear that label. It has even been said that if Jack the Ripper were my best friend, I would stand by him!

With age comes wisdom, and you are never too old to learn a thing or two.

Even from those much younger than yourself.

Even from your own children.

I stand in total awe and admiration of one of my children. They are so young. They have so much to learn, and yet they have taught me that there comes a time when you have to say, “enough is enough” and turn your back on a friend.

Loyalty can be pushed to the limits and then it can break, because of a very important component in the game of friendship.

The Golden Rule ~ Loyalty must go both ways between friends. If the loyalty is heading only in one direction, it isn’t a true friendship.

In the past, especially as a young person, I have timidly backed away from a friend when I have noticed the signs that the friendship is coming to an end, waiting for some sign to show me that they were just having a bad day, had an argument with another friend…you fill in the “what if’s” here. What I’m saying is, I would accept any excuse they gave me. And believe it! (How gullible!!)

That sweet, sweet child of mine, the one who can teach me as many new things as I can teach her, has shown such loyalty to her friends throughout her life that she has given me massive amounts of pride in her behaviour, especially in this day and age, when teenage friendships can appear so superficial.

And if and when the time comes, she knows when to walk away.

She never looks back. Ever.

No amount of cajoling, apologies, sweet smiles or excuses will sway her opinion. She never looks back, not even for a quick peek, just to check if her now former friend is okay.

The loyalty must go both ways for her….

A very close friend may get a second chance. But two strikes and they’re gone!

Forever.

And therein, I believe, lies the answer to the question ~

How do you know when to stay and when to go?

Ask yourself the questions, “Am I being shown the same loyalty that I am bestowing upon my friend?….and….

Is my friend being truthful with me?

If the answer is “no” to these two question ~ walk away. Don’t look back.

(Clue – you can’t have one of the above questions with a yes answer and the other a no. That’s not possible!)

My child has taught me well. I have learned the lesson well.

So, Jack the Ripper, if you are reading this, you are no longer my friend! 😉

friends · gardening · gratitude · happiness

Feathered Friends…and Fears!

JoanneLeave a comment
Young Magpie

Going back to the beginning of time, for myself at least, I have always been afraid of birds.

Ornithophobia ~ the fear of birds.

As a general rule, ornithophobia is brought about by an unpleasant experience, perhaps as a child, involving birds, such as being attacked in some way or pecked badly when feeding birds at a picnic in a park.

If the fear is left unchecked it can, apparently, lead to fear of leaving the home (agoraphobia). The ornithophobia sufferer could possibly fear an unexpected encounter with their feathered enemies, therefore wishing to stay within the safe confines of their home.

Another theory for the cause of ornithophobia is when a child has lived with a parent who has an extreme fear of birds and this fear is passed onto the child.

Which of the above gave me my own fear of birds?

None of them!

I haven’t even seen the Alfred Hitchcock/Daphne du Maurier movie “The Birds”!

There is not a single bad bird experience in my early life to relate!

And both of my parents loved birds!

The strange thing is, there is no logical reason for my fear.

However I do recall, as a child, having nightmares which had me waking up all a-tremble, in which birds were flapping their feathers around me!

During my teenage years, a friend suggested that my fear may not be of birds, but rather feathers.

Pteronophobia ~ the fear of feathers.

Pteronophobia (please don’t ask me how to pronounce the word!) is believed to have the sufferer in fear of being near feathers, being tickled by feathers and even afraid to use a feather duster!

Um, I’ve always loved collecting feathers, find the gentleness of feathers against my skin very soothing and have never given my feather duster any further thought other than knowing  it will dust my furniture successfully!

As a result of my fear….

…I have never owned a bird as a pet.

Never, that is, until August last year, when a pretty little feathered fellow, with the most beautiful personality and expressive eyes, won my heart. You can read the story of the first bird I have ever owned here.

So much for the theories!

I’m afraid that I’m not a typical example of a recovering ornithophobic or pteronophic person. The extreme fear of being around birds was most certainly real, although it has never caused problems in my life. There was no explanation for my fear and I have never felt the need to seek professional advice to overcome my fear.

How is ornithophobia and pteronophobia treated?

It is suggested that the sufferer confronts their fear and is taught some positive self-talk. Relaxation and meditation are recommended to curb their anxiety. Hypnosis and medication may even be recommended.

How did I overcome my fear of birds?

Gradually, unexpectedly, and without even trying!

During the last three years I have spent hours, which have turned into days and even weeks, out in my garden, alone ~ planting, digging, weeding, mulching, watering, pruning ~ with a family of magpies standing nearby, chortling to me and quietly walking so close to me when my back has been turned that I could have reached down and touched them!

They are not afraid of me!

The magpies have talked to me in their own very intelligent bird language. At times, I have been certain that I know exactly what they are telling me!

The adult birds bring their baby birds to me, asking for titbits of food from my kitchen. They are so trusting and tame that I’m sure they would allow me to hand feed them, in the same way I hand feed my own little pet bird, Charlie.

Gratitude for my new friends and their habitat.

Just as surely as nothing in particular, (that I can put my finger on anyway,) gave me the fear of birds, my fear has vanished.

As I have pottered the hours away quietly working in my garden, appreciating every brightly coloured flower and butterfly, the industrious bees and warmth of the sun, I have felt no fear.

My garden is a safe, enjoyable haven.

Perhaps my calm and appreciative demeanour has been evident to the birds, who have happily shared their “home” with me, sensing the happiness I have felt within my surroundings with their own “sixth sense”.

Whatever the reason is for overcoming my fear of birds, I’m just happy that it happened! 🙂

Australia · friends

A Most Unlikely Friendship

Joanne2 Comments

During the month of October last year, the theme at the Calm Space was “Courage”.

As a regular contributor to the Calm Space, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to share a story I had heard of, via the internet, about two men and their pet lion, Christian.

The editor of the Calm Space, the lovely Káren Wallace, is in holiday mode throughout January, as here in Australia nearly the whole of the month is devoted to school holidays, hot weather and recovering from Christmas!

Káren and her family have a busy month personally, with birthdays and anniversary celebrations, plus moving house, so it is an ideal opportunity for Káren to rerun some favourite articles which have featured over the last three years.

Today, I have decided to follow in Káren’s footsteps and rerun one of my own favourite articles, “Finding the Courage to Let Go”.

The story of Christian the Lion is one of yes, courage, and also love, devotion, loyalty and friendship.

While you are over at the Calm Space, have a browse through the inspiring articles you will find there. Káren makes her readers feel right at home with her own warm, friendly, chatty articles.

I promise you will leave her site feeling rejuvenated and ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead for you!

inspiration

Whatever Became of “Dear Diary”

JoanneLeave a comment

“Journaling helps you grow and flow. It helps you get in touch with who you really are…your essence. It helps put you in touch with the Dreamer in you. It nourishes your Dreamer. Journaling provides clarity, discovery, and authentic expression”. ~ Susan Castle

Did you ever own a diary at any stage during your life?

You know what I mean, the type of diary in the form of a book, with blank pages. You needed a pen to write in it. Some even came complete with their own little padlock and key, enabling the owner of such a diary to record their deepest, most private thoughts and feelings, without fearing that their inner-self may be intruded upon.

Young girls, in particular, found great delight in beginning each new entry into their diaries with the words “Dear Diary”, just as one would begin a letter to a dear and close friend.

But that is exactly what a personal diary became to those who owned one; a confidant, in whom they could trust their inner most secrets to.

Where is Dear Diary Today?….

You may well ask!

I have a sneaking suspicion that “Dear Diary” is alive and well, after undergoing a gradual “facelift” during the last ten to fifteen years.

As the years have progressed, the times have changed to such an extent that Generation X and even more so Generation Y no longer feel the immense need to keep their inner-most thoughts private.

Modern technology has given them “Facebook”, the perfect medium in which to  record their deepest secrets if they so wish. Photos and music can also be contained within these pages, to be treasured for posterity.

A padlock and key seems unnecessary as you can easily monitor the friends you wish to have read your private thoughts.

Yes, times have certainly changed. Gone are the days when we all wished to keep our privacy. Our diaries may now be publicly viewed within the pages of Facebook.

Is There an Alternative to Facebook?

Yes, I believe there is!

And, you are reading my very own alternative to Dear Diary and Facebook, right here and now!

You see, I love to write and my words are from the heart. I’m past the age of wishing to record any risqué thoughts, preferring uplifting messages of inspiration, encouragement and advancement of thought.

So, I blog! 🙂

“The diary is the only form of writing that encourages total freedom of expression. Because of its very private nature, it has remained immune to any formal rules of content, structure, or style. As a result, the diary can come closest to reproducing how consciousness evolves”. ~ Tristine Rainer

There are many occasions when writing helps to put my thoughts into perspective. My mind may be going through a state of muddlement on a particular subject, so I begin to write.

As the words take form, my thoughts clear, the answers to my questions take form in my mind, I record the answers and voila! My mind is all sorted!

There once was a day, way back when…

…I owned my very own diary, as previously described, complete with cute little padlock and key. Dear Diary had become my confidant during the years I was aged thirteen and fourteen.

During a very boring lesson of Asian Social Studies at school one day, as I struggled to stay awake and pay attention to the teacher, (trying to improve my grades in this subject as they were not good, due no doubt to the afore mentioned boredom), I was distracted by a mini commotion in the seats behind me.

Two of my friends had discovered an amusing distraction from the drone of the teacher’s voice, there was no doubt about that! What was that little blue “thing” they both poked and giggled at, hidden mostly behind the desk, within the security of their laps?

I’d recognise that shade of blue anywhere….My Diary!

In a fit of rage, I snatched my valued possession from their hands, whilst the teacher, who was obviously sleep-talking, as he hadn’t noticed the commotion taking place right under his nose, continued to drone on.

The minutes that remained in that lesson of Asian Social Studies were the longest minutes of my fourteen year old life. As the bell rang, sounding the end of the lesson, my diary and I made a very speedy exit from the classroom.

I was mortified!

Needless to say, the two offenders, known formally as my “friends”, had taught me a very valuable lesson ~ that to some people nothing is sacred, therefore, tear up my diary and keep those overly private thoughts to myself!

“Writing is the most powerful way I know of to sort through all the inner voices”. ~ Rebecca Maddox

As quaint and lovely the idea of hand writing in diaries is, I am content today, as the much older and wiser soul I now am, to sort systematically through those “inner voices”, recording my thoughts in my blog and hoping someone out there may benefit from my words, not to mention my bad experience! 😉

basics · daughter · inspiration

Hayley’s Homemade Gift

Joanne6 Comments

One of the things I enjoy the most about blogging is sharing thoughts and ideas with others. As is the case in the “real world”, like minded people are drawn together throughout the blogosphere, sharing inspiration from all corners of the planet.

Yesterday, Robin, from Bogs of Ohio, told us the story of “The Scrounger’s Garden” which is one of the garden displays at the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. In the garden, various items have been recycled, such as old boots and shoes, and even an unused bicycle has been included in the display.

Robin is a wonderful photographer and has included a number of photos in her post, so do pop on over and have a read of the story and admire her photographic skills. And make sure you scroll all the way down to the last photo, where you will see a lamp, made by Robin’s husband, ingeniously sculpted from old used books. I love it! 😀

One of the links in Robin’s story takes us to The X Facta, where Kel shows us how she has made a keepsake journal, by binding together plain old brown paper bags. It’s another ingenious idea and Kel’s artistic talent is apparent when you see the beautiful artwork on her journal. Go on over to Kel’s “Art Attack” and admire her work for yourself.

Another link included in “The Scrounger’s Garden” takes us to the site of Kathy, at “Lake Superior Spirit”, who is another one of Robin’s bloggers friends. Kathy has written an article about the benefits of reusing old cards and calendars. You will find this story at “Taking Back the World, One Card at a Time”.

Kathy’s story really struck a chord with me. It reminded me of my childhood days, when I would save all of the old cards given to my family for birthdays, Christmas and Easter. I had a box full of cards stashed under my bed and when the new school year began, my elder sister and I would cover my new school books with old brown paper, then we would choose a picture from a card to glue on the front of each book.

My sister also taught me how to press flowers, just as Kathy describes, by squashing them for a lengthy amount of time between heavy books.

When my own two daughters were just little girls, each had their own flower press, a more sophisticated manner of pressing flowers than the heavy book version, although both methods work beautifully.

You can imagine my delight when Hayley, my eldest daughter, presented me on Mother’s Day this year with a framed picture which she had made herself. She had found a verse on the internet “How God Created Mother”, which she printed out, glued to a sheet of pretty purple paper, and added pressed pansies along the side.

Here’s a photo of Hayley’s creation ~

Be sure to run the mouse over the photo and click on it, for a closer view.

Hayley apologised for using a second hand picture frame! Can you believe it? It’s such a beautiful gift, from my beautiful daughter, which I will treasure always. 🙂

There’s a lot to be said for saving old cards, calendars, magazines and left over fabric pieces, along with pressing pretty, colourful flowers from your garden. The possibilities are endless when considering the number of hand-made projects we can put together, if we just give some thought to recycling, as opposed to discarding.

And think of the amount of joy which can be spread when the time is taken to create your own personalised gift for a friend or family member, just as Hayley did for me.

Between Robin, Kel and Kathy, I have been pleasantly reminded of gardening and craft projects, involving the reusing of old items, that I have enjoyed myself throughout the years, not only from childhood days but also more recently. I’ll make a point of telling you about them, another day.

Right now though, I’m off to get some sewing done. (Which reminders me…I must tell you about the quilt I made, many years ago). 🙂

Thank you, Robin and Kathy, for sharing your stories and inspiring not only my day, but also my intended future posts here. 😀