After my husband and I first met, it didn’t take us too long to realise one striking difference between the way we each looked at life ~ which was…
His head ruled his heart,
My heart ruled my head.
Over time, and convinced of the (false) belief that I would please those close to me, and most of all my husband, I made the effort to kiss my airy-fairy ways goodbye, lock away my gut-instincts, hunches and intuition and throw away the key.
“Reason” became my middle name. Everything simply had to be well thought through, the pro’s and con’s weighed up and carefully balanced, in fact, every action I took must have a reason for it, before being given the honour of materialising.
My newly found practicality, along with my down to earth attitude and conservative manner would bring beams of pride to all of those people who I held in high regard. Yes, it would…
Surely it would…It would, wouldn’t it?
Well, of course it did!
With my newly developed maturity and common sense, a certain standard was expected of me. And I aimed to please.
But every now and then, rarely actually, but just occasionally, I would make contact with kindred spirit, a dreamer of the highest standard, a gut-reactor who thought nothing of throwing caution to the wind. I would scramble around to find that discarded key, unlock my soul, and off I would go, reverting back to my flippant ways of times gone by.
It was during these so-called “moments of madness” that I would feel free and alive again, finding the strength again to move mountains and swim across the oceans. And all because my intuition told me so.
After much tut-tutting from those-who-knew-what-was-best-for-me, (and plenty of pouting on my part), I would make my return to the Land of Common Sense, unlocking the gates of wisdom with my reliable Key of Reason.
Did I manage to retain the stamp of approval, kindly bestowed on me by those who I held in high regard? Yes, I did. Everyone approved.
Everyone…except for me.
For many years I continued with this masquerade, pleasing the multitudes, whilst never pleasing myself. Saying yes, when I secretly held back the urge to say no.
Who knew I was living a lie, a life ruled by other people’s standards? No one. ‘Coz I always found a way to enjoy life, look on the positive side of every situation, skilfully navigating my way around the obstacles.
I didn’t just fool the people in my life; I was also fooling myself, by being something that I wasn’t.
Then something changed. That “something” changed absolutely everything. Hot on the tail of being “Ms Fix-It”, “The Whipping Post” and “Communal Door Mat”, I walked away, never to return. I turned my back on it all.
I came home, but not just home to my house, I came home to me.
My instincts had been screaming out to me, telling me that the place I went to every morning to work, where we (my husband and I) each operated our separate businesses from, was not the place where I should be spending my days.
While I had my own business and my husband an entirely different business, which we had worked at from the same premises for a number of years, the two businesses constantly overlapped. He made decisions and choices for my business and I always managed to get dragged, (screaming and kicking, I will add!) into his.
Packing up my bare essentials and moving my business home was a blessing to me. Throwing caution to the wind worked well for me. No amount of coercing changed my mind. With my heart back where it belonged, in its rightful place as The Guide to My Life, I have come of age.
Did I upset anyone by taking such a strong stance for my life? You betcha I did!
Was I ever swayed back into pleasing everyone but me? Never.
Did I care? Honestly ~ No.
Over the last three years my life has evolved into what I want it to be. New lessons have appeared in the most unexpected of places.
And all of these unexpected places have been cleverly disguised as The Simple Things in Life.
(Photo credit ~ alwayschallengeunhappiness.blogspot.com)
4 thoughts on “Sense and Sensibility ~ Part 1”
You could almost be describing my husband and me. It took me quite a few years to come back to who I really am and, like you, I’m so glad I did.
I’ve often thought that was one of the problems with the way some women operate in the work force. Most of us women were pretty much designed to have good intuition if we’d only pay attention to it, yet some of the women I’ve worked for tried to run things as a man would, all reason and logic, completely leaving out intuition and gut-instincts. And those who did follow their instincts and intuition were better bosses, got more work out of their crew, and increased sales in the pharmacy (when I worked in a pharmacy).
I’m glad you found your way home and that you also found it works for you. 🙂
So glad that you found your way home. I think that’s the journey we undertake through life, although some folks may not have realized yet they need to get on the train! It’s taken me years to get to this place of being-at-home and yet I suspect there’s an even deeper home waiting to be embraced. The way we’re often attracted to our opposite…to learn to dance with those energies in a way where we bend but do not lose our supple branches…seems to be key. Thank you for this today!
A very thought provoking post. Its great that you were able to find your true path in life. I think it takes a lot of guts and determination to make this happen. This is one of life mysteries how men and women are totally oposite in many ways.
It can be very easy to ignore our instincts and it takes courage to make tough decisions. Well done for following your heart.
Robin ~ Men and women each have their own unique manner to offer in the workforce, don’t you think? Far more progress is obtained when we each stick to what we do the best, (eg, men using their sense and women using their sensibility!)It can take each of us a long time to become our true selves, but it is so worth it. 🙂
Kathy ~ You’re so right Kathy, it can be such a long journey in search of ourselves, but what a train ride it is! And once we find our way home, the adventure has just begun. Next we have to explre all of the rooms inside ourselves, as you say, “the deeper home waiting to be embraced”.
Stan ~ Support from a man, for the journey of following my heart means a lot! Your wife is a lucky lady! 😉 Not all men are so understanding. 🙂